Abijah Levi

Hello there! I’m from Massachusetts.
I’m a Christian and just started attending Bible college, but because of personal reasons, all of a sudden I’m really beginning to doubt the reality of God and that Jesus is his son. At the moment I feel like I’m hanging onto my faith in God by shear will power, and the battle that has been going on in my mind about His existence has been so taxing on me that I’m beginning to feel depressed. So, my purpose in joining this group is to find answers to my questions, learn from other people, and hopefully learn something that will aid me in staying the course in my Christian walk. Thanks!


Hey Abi.re, Welcome to the group. I admire your effort in signing up and telling us what is going on. Feel free to ask any questions you have in the forum and hang in there.


Hi @Abi.re, welcome to connect and thank you for sharing your struggle. First, I am praying for you. I am so sad to hear how tormented you are and the depression it is causing you. I don’t know what you are going through in your personal life that is causing you to doubt. I am praying for you in that respect as well.
Here are some links to conversations here with others who are struggling just as you are.

Please stay connected. Keep seeking. Please keep knocking and Jesus promises to open the door. Take care, reach out anytime and keep us posted :heart:


Welcome from West Virginia Abijah, I have always wanted to visit the New England States, flew into Boston once for a friends graduation from Zion bible college. Think they call it Northpoint now.
Your struggle is real and I was there for a period of time. I and others are lifting you up to the Lord for He is patient and full of mercy. May I just say I am so proud of you for reaching out just like Jesus did in the garden. The Holy Spirit in you is drawing you to truth, which I have found an abundance of right here. Merry Christmas to you and yours and may He give you the gift of peace, also clarity when posting your important questions or concerns.
Love and unity in Christ



I hope that this community will provide the answers you are searching for. I pray that God will reveal himself to you in a way that confirms His existence to you. I know this feeling all too well. Welcome!



Welcome aboard fellow Christian! @sig gave you some great resources. I am praying that you feel the presence of Jesus in your life. Thank you for being so honest about how you are doing. Let’s keep a dialogue going. Just ask questions. Pray for responses that enable your mind to connect to your heart. God-bless you and your journey.


Welcome to Connect, @Abi.re! We’re so glad you have joined our community. I think you will find that a vast majority of us on here have and continue to wrestle with doubts about any number of things related to our faith. So you’re in good company. :slight_smile:

As you read through some of the conversations we’ve already had on here, do please reach out if you have some lingering questions. We’d love to be able to walk alongside you during this time.

Blessings to you and Merry Christmas!


@Abi.re Nice to meet you!

Wow, thanks for being so honest! I went through a similar journey attending a Christian liberal arts college. I started out wanting to know more about God and the Bible, but by the end I decided to walk away from God partially from the unanswered questions I had, partially because I wanted to do, whatever I wanted to do… after a year of marriage my wife dragged me back to church. It took about 6 month of sitting in the back of church with my arms crossed (and a few jarring life events) and I finally came to my surrender point with God, nothing has been the same since.

I wish I had made an effort to find community and had someone to point me to organizations like RZIM. That being said, I’ve found there are really good answers out there. I’ve listened to a lot of arguments from atheists and practitioners of other religions and none of them satisfactorily answer where morality comes from. I would suggest looking into Justin Brierly’s unbelievable podcast (sits down Christians and non Christians for conversations). In regards to knowing about Jesus, Gary Habermas has done wonderful work on how we can know that Jesus is raised from the dead. He only using facts that are accepted by people who are not Christians and shows that even if you don’t believe The Bible is inspired (even though he does believe it is) you can still know that Jesus is raised from the dead. https://youtu.be/ay_Db4RwZ_M

Another organization that helped me is reasons to believe. They have wonderful work showing the the universe points to A personal Creator.

Glad you are here!


Welcome Abijah! Definitely seek the truth. We all need to know why we believe what we do. I pray that you find what you are searching for and can have peace at last. :heart::heart:



Two things about your post that caught my attention:

  1. You were willing to post this, to open up for help from other Christians.

  2. You are “hanging onto” your “faith in God by shear will power.”

Both indicate faith in God. Seek Him and He will give you faith. Faith is a gift from Him to you. “For by faith are you saved, through grace, and that is the gift of God.” Both faith and grace are His gifts to you.

Because you have posted this, many (including me) are praying for you!

In Christ,

Phil Debenham


Hi @Abi.re,
I’m in a similar place with my faith and wrestle in trying to stay true to it. I have found myself slowly regaining bits my faith through reading the previous discussions here. I’m glad that you have joined!


Hi Abijah, I live in south Texas…glad you are on board with RZIM.
First of all, …do you know that the craziest events in our lives can challenge our faith in God? You live in a cold part of the U.S. and even cold weather for months can get a girl down…even spiritually. Now, remember this…satan, the enemy of your soul will take what he can and try to drive it roughshod over anyone’s faith, but especially those that are really serious about God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit. I’ve been born again for a long time…almost 50 yrs, and all my days have not been faith filled either- so don’t feel bad about your faith. You know, the Holy Spirit gave you faith to believe in the first place, and He knew you would have days like this. He also knows you can resist the devil and he will flee from you. Read James 4:7. Living by faith is not passive acceptance; it is warfare. Even your Lord Jesus had to resist the devil. You are part of the body of Christ, and the attack on you is proof of that. One way to bolster your faith is to speak the word of God over yourself, then follow up with verbally casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. Understand this…your enemy, the devil is defeated, but he hates God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit, and…all humanity…especially those who have the Spirit of God in them. Those who by faith in Christ, have been born of incorruptible seed of the Word of God. Get yourself up, tell the Lord you believe in Him, thank God for sending Him, and then tell the Holy Spirit thank you for the gift of saving faith. Read Ephesians 6 about warfare. You love God or you wouldn’t reach out. God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit, saw this coming because it is common. What you need to hang onto is the Word of God…it…is what brings faith…IT will hold you up… As is said in Texas…get up and get back on your horse and ride on…Jesus has invited us to live with Him in Heaven. Don’t throw away your invitation…blessings…


Thanks for your post. In addition to the many great replies I would
like to point out Ephesians 6:16 - In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. You are experiencing the flaming darts of the enemy of our souls, Hanging onto Gods promises is a great strategy.


I commend you Abijah. Your doubt is not peculiar to you alone, but I want to assure you that God is real and Jesus is the unique Son of God. Evidence abound. However, I want you to ask God for the revelation of Himself and His Son. That settles it all.


Hi Abijah (& others who have expressed a similar concern).
24 years ago, I married my wife in the church (both Christians), but soon she started with different kind of doubts (she was studying Psychology at a University). As a worried Christian husband, I tried for a year or so to address her doubts, going through the Philosophy, Theology and Science I managed at that time (very weak, I would say, facing how the Christian apologetics have developed). However, after all that time of dealing with arguments, reasoning, truth quest and so on, nothing really changed. I also prayed a lot, but nothing seemed to happen.
I remember one Sunday afternoon, when mi wife told me ‘I have followed all the arguments, History, Philosophy and Science you have been trying with me, but what I really want, if God exists, is Him talking to me directly!’. She was in the bed, I was looking at her, wordless, and a very tense minute past, till we realised the TV (which was just behind me) was on, and suddenly appeared an infant program with a song talking about Jesus as a friend who is looking for you (you can see the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2L0dKc33Ww, and the version with English subtitles here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8cGxZjmnNE).
We both turned around looking all these infant characters pointed directly to my wife, saying “He is looking for you!”. All the philosophy and other stuff became instantly unnecessary, as God found a way to connect with a seeking soul like hers. I can not describe how was that moment, but God knew what she needed at that time, and all the questioning ceased.
Of course, life went on and we have had almost 25 years of marriage with ups and downs (with also a near death experience for myself, which revealed I was not as prepared I thought I was to leave this side of life). In these tears, I have found RZIM and other sources which have come to complement special and non special revelation from God, and the main thing I have become to is that He maintains the whole thing in certain level of uncertainty, in order to respect our freedom and the trust in Him we need to exercise.
To sum up: your case is the case of everyone of us, who have had a kind of spiritual encounter with the Lord, by different means. I think, God will give to any of us, a special touch by His merciful hand, in order to understand He is there (and here) for us, maybe through an experience as naif as a children’s TV show, disguised as an Ocean breeze or in the shape of a Ravi’s argument.
I hope this helps.
Blessings, Aldo


Welcome Abijah, @Abi.re

To echo those who have posted before me, thank you for your vulnerability and honesty in presenting your current state. I do believe you will find thoughtful answers and resources to some of the questions that have been plaguing your mind. You may also discover you are not alone in this journey.

https://www.reasons.org as @DylanCarr mentioned, is a site I have gone to many times myself and it has brought clarity to questions I wrestle with as well. :cherry_blossom:


Hi, Abijah @Abi.re It breaks my heart to read your story and at the same time I am well encourage by it. I am sorry about what you are going through right now and I thank you so much for being honest.

For sure you will find answers here, I trust God for that. Do so by exploring the community.
Welcome to RZIM Connect, I am so happy to meet you. I pray you will grow in Grace also.

John Adah
Kaduna Nigeria