Amen to what all have posted. Linnie, Kelly, Lakshmi and myself are all part of @Bible_Memorization_Group and would love to have you jump on board and being part of a group that more than memorizes together.
Samuel, I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. It is hard to feel so alone - but you aren’t. Here are some verses that came to mind. The first set are the ones that we happen to be memorizing this week and is our prayer together for you:
Col 1:9 And so, from the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding,
Col 1:10 to lead a life worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.
The second set is especially applicable to you:
Eph 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.
Eph 6:11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
Eph 6:12 For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Eph 6:13 Therefore take the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
Eph 6:14 Stand therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,
Eph 6:15 and having shod your feet with the equipment of the gospel of peace;
Eph 6:16 besides all these, taking the shield of faith, with which you can quench all the flaming darts of the evil one.
Eph 6:17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Eph 6:18 Pray at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,
Remember Samuel, you have to be doing something right or the enemy would just let you be. But because you love Jesus, you are being pounced on.