Can a person with same sex attraction marry a person of the opposite sex, live as a heterosexual, and be in God’s will?

Hi Sam,

A member of the community, who wishes to remain anonymous, would like to ask this question of you:

Can a person with same sex attraction marry a person of the opposite sex, live as a heterosexual, and be in God’s will?

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Thanks for passing this on, Carson. It is a really important question, and one that will be very close to home for a number of Christians. I thank the questioner for raising it.

The short answer to the whole question is Yes. God is sovereign. I know a number of instances where this has been the sort of thing that has happened. I know one man whose whole pattern of attraction changed dramatically from exclusively homosexual to exclusively heterosexual. Interestingly, this wasn’t something he had been particularly seeking; it just seemed to happen through no agency of his own. I know of a number of others whose attractional patterns have shifted more gradually in a similar direction. It is more common than many realise for people to go through a period of same-sex attraction while younger in life (perhaps as a teenager or undergraduate) and then to find those feelings begin to change of their own accord. I suspect our sexual feelings in that stage of life are not always fully settled or fixed.

But I also know other Christians whose attractional pattern has not changed, but who nevertheless met someone of the opposite sex who was the exception to the rule. You can see one such example here. Sean himself has said, “It turns out I didn’t need to be attracted to women. I just needed to be attracted to Gaby.” I know quite a number of same-sex attracted Christians who have a similar story, and are now have happy and healthy marriages. In each case they have been open with the other person all along about their same-sex attraction, and that is vital.

You ask about God’s will, and it might be helpful to make a comment on that. 1 Thess. 4:3 shows us that God’s will is for us to be sanctified, which includes avoiding sexual sin. So God’s will is that we be holy, whether in marriage or in singleness. If we are married, we need to be faithful to our spouse, and if we are unmarried we need to be faithful in our abstinence. So we can be in God’s will whether we are married or single. I think that helps to take some of the pressure off from thinking we might be going against God’s will by getting married or by not getting married. More significant than the state of marriage and singleness is what we are doing as married or single people.

I hope that helps. I know these are really sensitive issues, so please do come back to me if you would like to (via Carson if needed – he is a very good carrier pigeon!!)

Blessings,
Sam

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