So a boy i used to know back in high school, overdozed on some drugs or killed himself about 2weeks ago. He is gone.
I have been dealing with the fear of death/dying since i can remember. I am not sure why and when it came but it is not something new. I have not YET lost anyone close to me so i can not say that i have dealt with this before. But i can say that for the past days, since i got the news of the death of this person, the fear has magnified that i have failed to go to sleep of late because i am afraid i will “not wake up”. Sleep is my favourite stress reliever, sleep comes easy to me, but now, even to simply take a nap, i have failed to do.
i keep thinking, i could be next, i think about, what he saw when he was on the other side, was he scared, did it hurt, did he regret, did Jesus hug him?
Could it be that be that my faith is weak and that is why i am so afraid? Could it be that the issue is my trust in God? I do struggle with anxiety so maybe this could explain why i am feeling like this. Could it be that earlier when i was yonger and more naive, i was not so aware of the deaths and killings happening every second i blink but now i am? I do not know, nonetheless i would like to now how most Christians deal with death, grief, fear of the unknown…maybe someone can share a suggestion of a Christian Jesus related lullaby to help me sleep. That would not be so bad.
I just want to enjoy my life without all this fear seated on my head.
How do i do this?