Did I Compromise my beliefs for the sake of keeping the peace?

Hi Everyone

Recently I tried to have a discussion with two people that didn’t agree with me on the Biblical View of Sexuality (I probably shouldn’t have done it in the first place, since they wouldn’t have wanted listen anyway). I told them that my view was that I didn’t agree with same sex couples having sex. One of them got really upset, and slammed the door shut right in front of me, because he thought I was “bashing” gay people.

I came to apologise for what I said (even though it was just a disagreement) and he told me that he didn’t care if he was kicked out of the Kibbutz if it meant he was going to hit me in the face. He then told me that if I was going to disagree with him, it would have to be away from him.

Did I just compromise my beliefs? Should I have taken the punch instead?

I think these guys were bluffing, but then again I can’t take that for certain. Even then, the Kibbutz manager wouldn’t want to deal with what was happening if I was threatened.

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On another note

What does the Bible say about self defence?

Somebody please respond

I feel I’m losing it

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Hello, Vili @AlphaOmega

It is rarely fun when we learn to apply His Truth, learn to discern between good and evil. There can be so many twists and turns, so many conflicting thoughts, and so much confusion, but it is worth it.

[Hebrews 5:14 KJV] But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, [even] those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.

Would this be an accurate summary of what you wrote?

  1. You said something in a conversation which you state you likely should not have said in the first place.
  2. To correct the offense, you apologized.

If so, then here are some verses which may apply:

  1. You did not wisely apply the command [Ephesians 4:15 KJV] …speaking the truth in love…
  2. You (humbly) admitted your mistake in a way that was acceptable to the one whom you offended and obeyed His command to pursue peace.
    [Hebrews 12:14 KJV] Follow peace with all [men], and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:
    Follow is also translated as pursue, work at, make every effort, strive… This is a very active, almost aggressive “follow.”

It may be helpful for you to search the word peace in a concordance.
blueletterbible.com can make this easy. Here are a few verses which may be helpful.

[Romans 15:33 KJV] Now the God of peace…
[2 Thessalonians 3:16 KJV] Now the Lord of peace…
[Hebrews 7:2 KJV] (said of a priest of the Most High) King of peace

He cares not only about Truth, but peace.

You and He alone know what is in your heart, but based on what you stated, I would tend to call that a judgement call, which Truth is more relevant in a particular situation and / or perhaps following His lead, rather than your own inclination, your own will / heart. You and He alone know what is in your heart, but based on what you stated, I think your response was a wise discerning between good and evil.

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As a rule I don’t engage people that I know or don’t know on hot button social issues as a means to start a conversation. If ask about my thought about some issue, homosexuality as an example I will be glad to comment if the answer is not to thier likeing I will remind them that they ask. If they continue to inquire I will try to establish to what end. Are they open to changing thier opinion or are they just enjoying seeing me defend my beliefs for sport.
On self defense I will go out of my way to avoid physical confrontation . Force is a last restore and I would never use it to impose my beliefs on anyone but I would defend myself. I hope this helps.

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I am about to board a plane but wanted to let you know your friends behavior was the “tolerant being intolerant” to your point of view. Stand firm in the truth of God’s word with the love of Christ. You are not responsible for someone else’s irrationally behavior. Remain calm and stand firm in your faith.

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Thanks @Sal

The first point was more in the sense that I shouldn’t have engaged these people in the first place. I tried telling them that I don’t agree with sex outside of marriage in general, since what prevents someone from limiting pedarasty, rape, etc if anybody is free to have sex in general. He got upset by my disagreement, and felt I was bashing gay people (all I was trying to do was show the logical consequence of the idea that sex can be for everybody).

I don’t think they understood, which resulted in them slamming the door, and then which lead to the apology.

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What do you believe are core beliefs, those required for salvation?

Has this become urgent because you believe that your Biblical View of Sexuality is a core belief?
Are you feeling as if the apology was backing down, a denial of not only this belief, but of our Savior?
If so, what are the reasons you believe this is a core belief?

To me, stating that this should likely not have been said, indicates that this was not spoken in His Love.
Could it be that the apology was also not spoken in His Love and peace?
If so, what was your motivation? I know for me, fear of man can be a big one. Was that at work in you?
Could it be that what concerns you is not so much the situation, as your heart in that situation?
Could it be that the urgency you sense is because you were doing what was right in your own eyes, that you were motivated by something other than His Love?

So often we do what is right in our own eyes. Judges shows the end result of that, and it is not pretty.
If this is part of the issue you are facing, here are some verses which may be helpful to consider:
Exodus 15:26
Deuteronomy 12:8
Judges 17:6
Judges 21:25
Proverbs 12:15
Proverbs 21:2

May our Father show you the root of your questions and give you wisdom and His peace.

You responded as I was writing, so the above may be superfluous. Hope you have come into His peace.

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I did after your post.

I realised that I’m not ready to share my faith, at least not yet. I still have to learn how to have a firm grounding in my relationship with Christ, plus I still need to build my knowledge base about these different issues in order to approach these people in a wise manner. I’m too prideful, and I need Jesus to heal me of that first before I can convey that to live the Gospel and for God is better. And I need to learn more from the other side first before I can create responses.

This is the lesson I learned, and I’m just saying this now as both a realisation and a confession.

Thanks @Sal

You’re response helped me bring peace.

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@AlphaOmega, Vili

I would encourage you to write down not only how you came to know Him, but why, what drove you to see your need? Then edit it to something that you can share when He opens a door, when you find others who are dealing with that same drive / issue / need, when others ask for the hope within you. These, you can be ready to share without extensive grounding and study.

Yes, when addressing issues, it is certainly wise to learn from the other side first.

You are so welcome, He is SO good.
I am so delighted He has used this in your life to grow in His wisdom and peace. :gift_heart:
May He continue to bless you.

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@AlphaOmega. Reading your questions made me recall the numerous times I stuck my foot in my mouth. Saying things perhaps I should not have. Being more honest than others thought I should be. Just being human. I often say, when I stand up in the morning, its not unusual for stupid to stand up with me. But in those times there remains Grace. Romans 8:1.

Then there are the times when the spirit of GOD is so evident and at work that even I am amazed. Silently thinking to myself, “wow! Where did that come from?”

I try to be fair to myself and understand that my insufficiency just illuminates my need for JESUS. This frailty will be with me even if I learn to speak with the finesse of a Ravi Zacharias. I am human I need the Lord.

I rest in the assurance that all things work together for the good of those who love Him. Romans 8:28-32. And we know that we love him. John 14:21. But keep in mind, some plant, others may water but GOD gives the increase. 1 Corinthians 3:6-9. That’s a load off my shoulders. GOD uses it all. GOD uses even me.

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@AlphaOmega – thanks for reaching out for honest feedback from other Christians. That is very wise.

Concerning sharing your faith, I think many of us back away for fear of giving wrong answers. I know I certainly felt (and often feel that way). But I’ve come to the conclusion that it doesn’t have to be that hard if I’m willing to share myself. I guess what I mean is rather than trying to talk to someone about right theology I find it more meaningful to show something of myself and how I’ve changed since I became a follower of Christ. I think being genuine about where I am in my faith and even my struggles with it can open more doors with other people.

You mentioned that you need Jesus to heal you before you can convey that to live the Gospel and for God is better. Admitting that to us is very powerful and may also be powerful to an unbeliever. For example: “I recognized that parts of my life were broken and needed healing and it was something I felt powerless to do for myself. I really needed a savior and I’ve come to believe that my savior is Jesus. I’m still working through that, there’s a lot to learn and understand, but I’m learning that God is patient with me even when I’m…”

Hot button issues like sexuality are really difficult. Some topics are loaded with so much anger that finding common ground for respectful discussion is challenging. Violent reactions are exceptionally so. We aren’t responsible for other persons reactions, but at the same time it’s not wrong to be sensitive to trigger points.

If this is someone you are living in community with, which on a kibbutz I assume to be the case, then I don’t think an apology was a bad move unless you were apologizing for what you believe. It may be that you need to find a means of building a relationship with these guys that build some trust first. I’ll be praying that God makes a way for you and for them.

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Vili,
Are you going door to door to evangelize? You are a brave soul! There are a lot of great ways to approach the LGBTQ community. It is a difficult approach. We will pray for you to find ways to reach out in a way that compliments all of our call to be ambassadors for Christ. If you can get on line and listen to Greg Koukl at stand to reason, he has a wonderful way to approach the LGBTQ community in a loving way, while maintaining truth. My hope is that you do not become discouraged, rather to learn from past experiences and continue on your ambassadorship! Welcome to the group!
Matt

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Hello AlphaOmega,

I realised that I’m not ready to share my faith, at least not yet. I still have to learn how to have a firm grounding in my relationship with Christ, plus I still need to build my knowledge base about these different issues in order to approach these people in a wise manner. I’m too prideful, and I need Jesus to heal me of that first before I can convey that to live the Gospel and for God is better. And I need to learn more from the other side first before I can create responses.

There is a difference between sharing your faith and engaging in apologetics and feeling comfortable doing that. You should not hold back on sharing your faith. Your testimony is your experience of where Jesus found you and where Jesus has moved you toward and what has made the difference in your life and heart. Just that alone can do miracles. You have encountered some brutal people who would have been offended if Franklin Graham told them the same thing. You are not responsible for their feelings and behaviors from hearing your words, they are. You can simply state what Jesus has done for you.
Apologetics and core truths will help you refine and strengthen your ability. But the most important part of sharing your faith is to keep your story with Jesus real in sharing your good news. Don’t back down. You do not want to let the evil one hold you back and make fear prevent you from growing your confidence of what Jesus has done for you.

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Cordial greetings dearly beloved,

I am in accord with Sis. Sally. Brethren, remember the goal and purpose of our works (The Gospel) focused on winning one over. We are ambassadors of souls. I know you know the words of our Master " Romans 12:18 New King James Version (NKJV) If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men.
In psychology, we often say “it is not the stimulus, but the response”. The end result is what matters. Be sure when we speak , we speak on behalf of Christ; filled with the Holy Spirit. Therefore, we will not stumble. And we will hesitate. What matters is faith working through love.

With much love, fasting and prayer,

Br. Joseph Benjamin

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I was actually apologising for looking as if I was offending them. The way I conveyed myself was sort of pushy, but even then, these guys weren’t exactly the best to have an intellectual conversation, which resulted in both of us being frustrated.

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Vili,

I chuckled when I read this “on another note” item. Consider Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” In fact read the whole of Proverbs 15.

Also consider Matthew 5:39 “But I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.” Now this is not saying that you should allow others to physically injure you. It is saying to take insults and do not seek revenge. And there is more in Matthew 5:44-45 “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your father in heaven…” Very, very difficult I know, but it is a command directly from Jesus. It is a whole new, wonderful way.

But to the main question…Christians have both the right and obligation to defend themselves and others against physical attack. I think that in defending yourself from physical harm that you should use necessary force, but not punitive force. In the heat of battle it might be difficult to think through all of this so I would go back to Proverbs 15:1 again and avoid escalating tensions to the physical if at all possible.

In my dealings with many people, both Christian and non Christian, I find that most people do not receive an unsolicited opinion very well. You sorta have to earn the right to share an opinion and then such sharing should be done with love.

Mark

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I have heard Ravi Z answer questions about homosexual behaviors and he always approaches the answers from the perspective of answering the Questioner and not the Question. Instead of saying that he is opposed to something, he has said that as a Christian he has voluntarily submitted to certain boundaries because he knows that is what God is requiring of him. He has said that these boundaries can be tough and that we sometimes don’t like them but, he is sure that God has placed these boundaries for OUR BENEFIT. No matter how long Ravi’s answer may be he ends with encouraging the listener to consider entering a relationship with Jesus and find out what Jesus would have him do and how He would have him live his life. One constant that we can see in effective apologetics is that people are far more likely to be “open” concerning behavior and choices once they are assured of God’s unconditional love for them. If we don’t both start and end our talks with “the Love of God”, I think that we are in danger of perpetuating the myth that God is nothing more than a God of: “Thou shalt not”. It is unfortunate that Homosexual sin has been “run up the flag pole” so to speak and other sexual sins seem to have taken a “back seat” or some how are “not as bad”. I know that Jesus tells me that I am guilty of adultery if I even lust after another in my heart and don’t actually involve myself in physical sexual activities. Love is the answer that we are looking for…not LAW…and certainly not condemnation of anyone.

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All my words pale to what Paul explained in Romans 8 v5…8.
““For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:5-8‬ ‭ESV‬‬
https://www.bible.com/59/rom.8.5-8.esv

Don’t take the rebuff from flesh minded people. Almost 2,000 years have passed since those words and no one has deemed them dated or insignificant. Keep loving God. Shema and Shalom

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“For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires” -Hebrews 4:12

Stand firm in your walk with Christ and never waiver. Spend time in prayer and continue pressing forward. As you continue your walk, the Holy Spirit will help you deliver your message in a way that is peaceful and penetrating at the same time.

On this particular topic, homosexuality is a sin. We have all sinned and fallen short of God’s glory(Romans 3:23). Just because my sin and my temptation is different than that of homosexuals does not mean I need Jesus more or less than they do.

God be with you and bless you!

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