God given Passion and Purpose

This is going to be long I can sense it so you have been warned.
It this you will find a struggle between good and evil.
A path of self-destruction and a small glimmer of hope and surrender to the Lord.
It this you will find many questions and concerns about my spiritual journey or as is the mostly the case the lack of a spiritual journey.
A journey of rebellion and self-destruction.
Where I feel I do not deserve God’s grace or forgiveness because I struggle within myself to forgive myself.
The mind is an amazing thing but also a scary thing as well.
This shows my mind struggling and being overwhelmed witha very real and more times than not a painful struggle to walk or at times to crawl battered and bleeding with the Lord.
The sad part is it is my own doing. I know I should put on the full armor of God. To be a warrior to do battle and through Christ to be victorious.
So why then do I keep going into the battlefield naked and alone?
Why do I leave my armor behind?
Am I hell bend on destruction?
This post is under Christian Growth feels like it should be under, man’s destruction on one’s self.
I look at this post as the rantings of an old tired individual who has struggled in hardship for most of his 69 years upon this earth.
My hope is in these ramblings you will see me buried and wanting to live for Christ but so battered and bruised, naked and afraid struggling to find meaning and purpose.
I have allowed myself to abandon all hope of meaning and purpose in my life.
So very tired, so very exhausted.
I have shared a crack into my life with a fragment of my testimonial.
How over the last 20 years I lost who I was with caring for a wife who has major mental health issues.
The reality I am finding is that I allowed my dreams and passion for life to be destroyed in my childhood. I can relate to the movie ‘I can only believe’ my Dad truly was a monster who I am sure was raised by a monster. He systematically crushed or beat out of me any and all dreams I had for my life.

So why am I writing this post what caused me to be once more vulnerable and reveal my daily struggles,

I started a devotional yesterday around Passion and Purpose.
To see if I can maybe find my passion and purpose.

It asks if you are excited about your life or do you feel as if you are merely existing, drifting along from day to day without any sense of purpose or direction?
The later is very much how I feel. I cannot remember the last time I was excited about my life.
I have become complacent and not content but resined to my circumstance which is a frightening place to be.
God has placed more within you than you realize. OK, so how do you realize what God has placed within you?
At times I see myself in Romans 7:19 where Paul wrote: ‘For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.’
I find it so easy to destroy myself in sin than to walk in obedience to the Lord.
Why, when I know somewhere deep down life is so much more fulfilling and meaningful walking with the Lord.
I so desperately want to see me as the Lord sees me not as I am but as I could be.
I cry out day and night to no avail.
Today’s devotional lesson is ‘A Clean Heart’ this subject line was the driving force for this post.
I look at my heart and it is anything but clean.
There was a time when I could clearly see the place where the Holy Spirit dwells within. How the place was clean and well kept. Then the Holy Spirit came to some locked doors and how I ever so slowly unlocked each door to allow him into more of my life.
Somewhere I am not sure when but he came to a door that I did not unlock a door in fact which I am sure I threw away the key. As I did not want anyone to open that door.
I sense that what was behind that door was my past my pain my anger my shame.
For some reason, I needed to cling to them even though the Lord had something far greater for me I would not, could not let go.
I was and in some ways still am, that frightened child that at 5 years old was in the hospital in a coma because of an angry father that almost succeeded in killing me. Looking now I am realizing he did kill me that day. He killed my passion and my dreams. I allowed that to happen.
This is the destruction that a father can do to their child that can last a lifetime.
When I turned my life over to the Lord. I was shown 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
For a time I was a new creation growing in faith and hope with the Lord.
Remember that locked door.
Well, it was after becoming a new creation that the Holy Spirit started to show me the mansion in my life and that one locked door.
I think what was behind that door was my life at age 5 when I lay in the hospital for 6 months in a coma. I was creating what was behind that door.
It is said the mind is a powerful part of us. I don’t think we realize just how powerful.
I refused to unlock the door and I sense that what was behind the door has taken over.
Some here may think poppycock what a bunch of rubbish. I sense it and feel powerless to stop it.
At one time I was pure in heart for a brief moment in time when I turned my life over to the Lord. Because I did see God in a vision as real as if I was wide awake.
Then rebellion entered in and I refused to bend my knee in prayer. At that exact moment, a friend was on a ferry to Vancouver Island. He took his own life by jumping overboard. To this day every time I think about it I feel strongly that if I had surrendered and prayed he would be alive today.
I have always had a desire to have my own business yet I sabotage myself every step of the way. I do not deserve to be successful.
Years ago In three separate events one in Airdrie, one in Calgary and one in Mexico. Individuals prophesied that the Lord had a mighty ministry.
That scared the life out of me because I knew to the core who I was or I had believed I knew who I was. I can relate to Moses when he said paraphrasing God you definitely have the wrong guy. I am rebellious and continually turn my back on the Lord.
So here I am over 30 years later crying out to the Lord use me but my words are bouncing off the ceiling never reaching the Lord. I wallow in sin clinging to it like a filthy dirty old blanket that once gave my comfort is now destroying my very being.
I look at my failing business. I struggle for a reason. Money does not mean anything to me at all, my father made sure of that one lesson.
I think I do not deserve to be successful and prosper.
I have touched a lot of people with my sharing my journey and my struggles and yet even that I don’t deserve.
I can relate to the ship in the storm being tossed to and fro with no calm waters.
I am drowning and don’t seem to care and yet at the same time, I think I do care or I would not have posted this.
As I stated at the beginning this was long and like the ship, my thoughts are tossed around.
I am overwhelmed and struggling.
I cry out to the Lord and then run back to my sinful ways.
There may be some growth here but as the parable of the seeds.
My seeds are dying. I feel like Satan has won and I am no more.
That the Lord has abandoned me to my sinful nature.

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@CharlesDavid I am so very sorry for this pain you are carrying. I want you to know that you are not alone. I have read your post and my heart cries on your behalf. I can identify with much of what you have written.

I cannot compose a full reply right now because I am at work, but know that I will be praying for you today that our Lord will make His loving presence known to you and that you will feel His arms of grace wrapped around you. I will compose a response later today when I can dedicate my time to doing so.

You are loved, brother.

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@CharlesDavid Praying that the Lord would cleanse you of all sin, renew your strength and courage and give you wisdom to navigate your situation brother. You may find Chip Ingram’s series on spiritual warfare helpful (link to first video below). Some of my own thoughts:

  • don’t focus on your sin - focus on Jesus. Confess your sin, get up and run hard after obedience to Christ.
  • focus on small goals - like doing one thing today to love someone around you. God’s goal for our life is to love Him and love others. What is one thing you could do today to love God and one thing you could do to love someone near you? Don’t wait until you feel like doing it - just do it!
  • get some worship music going in your house brother - and pray, pray, pray right along with that music

Praying for you!

This song is a great reminder for me that it’s not about what I’ve done, but about what Jesus did on the cross!

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@CharlesDavid-
Dear brother, we are here with you. Although not physically next to you now, we are with you, united by the same Spirit that unites us to our Lord Jesus. We are praying for you, lifting you to our loving Father. Though you may be deeply acquainted with abandonment, our God has not and will not abandon you. He sees you. However, I would encourage you that it’s not quite as you’ve written…

I would assert that God both sees us and loves us as we are, where we are. In all of our faults and sins and shortcomings. He sees you, @CharlesDavid, and he loves you. And, in His love, He is not content to leave you where you are. If you want to know how He sees you, He will show you…but you have to let Him do it. Listen to the voice of Love, which is full of grace and compassion.

Despair is a powerful vortex, but it will never have the final word.

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God bless you @CharlesDavid, my heart breaks and goes out to you. I wish I could give you a hug. Brother, I have been where you are! Please know, you ARE so valuable to Jesus. You are valuable to us!

This is true. You do care but you are in pain. When you are hurting from pain that has been inflicted on you ,and regret of your own sins, it’s hard to put on that Armour and fight. But we must!
– “For our fight is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” ~Ephesians 6:12

Listen to those songs @SeanO sent you. Believe the words of love and encouragement from @tpauls8 and @KMac.
Finally, fight back with God’s word. Even if you don’t feel it. Just keep trying and don’t give up.

–31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
–37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.–

We are lifting you up now :pray:
Much love :heart:

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God is able @CharlesDavid :crying_cat_face:

You have touched my heart and I am heading to prayer right now to lift you up. I’ll reply with more after I’ve been on my knees for you.

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@CharlesDavid I have just come home from our church prayer service, where I and others lifted your pleas in prayer. And we lifted all of those who will respond to your post that we are given wisdom. I pray that the Holy Spirit will filter all of the responses and point the best words like laser beams directly into your heart.

First, let me commend you for the realness of your post. Too often we hide our struggles in fear. In revealing your thoughts and feelings you are exposing them to the light. And light heals. Thank you for trusting us with your heart.

The previous posts have shared wise counsel. I pray the collective response to your plea will demonstrate the love the body of Christ, the church, has for you. You matter, deeply, to all of us. You are a part of the whole. An important part and we embrace you in this struggle and despair. Take hope, you are much valued and much loved.

I think you are wise in recognizing the lifelong implications of the abuse you suffered as a child. Victims of abuse suffer many layers of damage and it can take a lifetime to reveal and heal each layer. If you are not or have not been in the care of a Christian counselor with special training in healing abuse, I think it would be wise and extremely helpful to do so. If you have tried, keep trying. As I said, there are many layers to heal – so many unlocked doors.

There are materials, like metals, that have a memory. It’s an attribute where it can be bent or changed, but then eventually resume its original form/shape. The memories of abuse can have a similar effect. Healing can change the impact of the abuse, but triggers can resurrect those memories and revive the effects of the abuse. But it is not hopeless. It is a struggle worth continuing to battle. God desires for you to be fully and wholly healed and restored. Live in that hope, that promise. May the Spirit of God bring you the right and lasting means of healing all the damaged memories you hold.

In addition to the effects of physical abuse, victims of abuse are shaped by the lies that they are told about themselves. Ask yourself, what lies have you spent a lifetime believing about yourself. You used the phrase “I do not deserve” enough for us to hear those lies you were told. And the lies you still carry and tell yourself. And we all have Satan whispering in our ear, “see, you blew it again, you’re hopeless, you’ll never change.”

It’s a lie. Recognize it as a lie. None of us are worthy of the sacrifice Christ made for us. NONE OF US. Yet he loved us, anyway. He suffered the cross, anyway. He knew we would not all choose to love him, but he did it anyway. That is the TRUTH. Focus on the truth of Christ (as Sean advised). Cast off the lies. Stop reinforcing them in your mind. Lord we ask you to bind all the lies and reveal to Charles the truth of who he is in you – a child of God; a son adopted by your real and true father – God Almighty; an heir of salvation; the lost sheep that they shepherd has pursued, found and rescued; grafted into the vine; a friend of Jesus…and so, so much more. Focus on the truth. Stomp on the lies and kick them to the curb. Take a match to them. Throw out the ashes. Focus on Jesus. ABIDE in Jesus.

Another lie you have believed is that you are responsible for your friend taking his life. We all rebel, but God does not harm people we love to punish us or teach us a lesson. It is tragic that your friend was in such despair that dying was the option he chose, but it was his choice. Forgive him and forgive yourself for believing the lie. What is truth is that you obviously cared deeply for this friend. What that demonstrates is that you are loving, good and caring.

Many Christians will stand in agreement with you that the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. Perhaps because Christ did so much to save us, we feel so deeply our sins. Sins that feel so unforgiveable we cannot forgive ourselves under our own steam. And without the indwelling Holy Spirit we could probably couldn’t. But we do have the Holy Spirit. And we can–with the Spirit.

Confess your sins and repent. Let go and let God. And when you fall again, confess your sins and repent. (Rinse and repeat). It’s not the falling that takes us far from God, it’s the not getting up again. Lord, through your Holy Spirit, embrace Charles and reveal to him all the places where you have forgiven him and guide him in the process of forgiving himself.

Concerning your business and what you do to earn a living – Paul gives good advice in Colossians to the bondservants: Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. (Col 3:23–24 ESV)

If you are finding no pleasure or value in your work life don’t work for you own fulfillment or reward, work for the Lord. Work so that you can be a blessing to others. Whether that’s the attitude you hold as you interact with others you work with, or success that enables you to give generously to others.

Doing for others can bring us great purpose and joy. Based on the book you spoke about, that is what you are seeking. Passionately seek to bless others. Focus on Jesus. Focus on being Jesus for others.

Charles, are you in a church? If not, seek good fellowship with other Christians. We are to be there to encourage one another.

If you are in a church, seek the counsel of your pastor. You’ve shown great courage in this post. If verbally getting all of this out is too hard, then print it out and share it with a pastor you trust.

Lots of us have self-destructive ways. And it is frustrating, it seems like an endless struggle. But it’s really in struggling on our own that we are compounding the problem. We are given the Holy Spirit to enable us to change. If seeking the Spirit to enable your change hasn’t worked in the past then ask the Spirit to show you a new tactic. I’ve asked the Spirit to demonstrate to me just how foolish my destructive ways are, and it’s really helping. I find if I can laugh at myself I can find a way past my bad habits.

Find a resource for healing prayer. Let the body of Christ, in the power of the Holy Spirit, anoint you with oil and pray for the deep and lasting healing of your soul. Do not struggle alone. God has lifted up persons with special gifts and empathy to understand and touch the deep wounds of your heart. Let them minister to you.

You Charles, are blessed to be a blessing. You are beloved of God. Know it. Own it. Rest in His embrace.

We all pray that you will be renewed in the joy of your salvation. Rejoice, Charles. Praise the Lord for his mercy and goodness.

God is good. God IS able.

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Charles,

The following song lyrics I hope will encourage you:

If I could see the gates,
I’m sure I’d walk much faster/
If I could hear the harp,
I’m sure I’d sing much louder/
But I can’t let this mortal distance
hinder my praise/
I’ve got to walk in the Spirit
and follow God in all my ways/

Lord, give me strength
to believe beyond what I see/
and ignore this sinful world
as it calls out to me/
and be sure my life aligns
with what You have in mind/
and never let these human senses
be my guide/
Lord, give me strength/

Every saint on this narrow road
has battles to face/
We’ve all been fought, but we can
overcome through grace/
We can’t let ourselves stay wounded
or let doubt fill our hearts/
We’ve got to hold on, keep fighting,
and press toward the mark/

Lord, give me strength
to believe beyond what I see/
and ignore this sinful world
as it calls out to me/
and be sure my life aligns
with what You have in mind/
and never let these human senses
be my guide/

Lord, give me strength
to believe beyond what I see/
and ignore this sinful world
as it calls out to me/
and be sure my life aligns
with what You have in mind/
and never let these human senses
be my guide/
Lord, give me strength/
Lord, give me strength/
Lord, give me strength.

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Dear brother @CharlesDavid,

Thank you for sharing so vulnerably with us. I pray that you were able to glean some comfort from Jesus today. You have been in my thoughts and prayers.

In re-reading your post, I took note of the following:

I am so thankful we don’t need to forgive ourselves for God to forgive us. I am so tempted to bear this burden myself, but then I remember that Christ, in dying once for all on that dreadful cross, bore that burden for me. Now all I need to do is come to him in repentance.

The fact that you are “walk(ing) or at times crawl(ing) battered and bleeding with the Lord” says to me that you are going to Christ with your burden. Now it is time for you to lay it down at His feet. I wish I could tell you a formula for doing this. When you are overwhelmed and hurting it seems impossible, but what I have learned is that laying down my burden before Christ is a process and requires daily (and sometimes moment by moment) obedience to consciously place my brokenness before Him.

You sound so tired, dear brother. I hear a great deal of self-condemnation through what you have shared. I understand that tendency. Through being hurt by someone who was supposed to love and protect you as a child, it is so easy to blame yourself. You need to know that you were not to blame for anything your father put you through. It is very difficult to function as an adult emotionally when we are stuck back in a place of trauma we experienced as a child. When this is compounded by the draining job of being the primary caregiver for another, it is no wonder you are left feeling overwhelmed and defeated.

PASSION AND PURPOSE

I agree with @KMac when she says:

When we cannot bear our own faults, sins and shortcomings, He can and does! This is all part of Jesus’ work on the cross. God sees you, @CharlesDavid, as the image-bearer He designed you to be!

Romans 7:19 describes every one of us who professes to follow Christ. You are definitely not alone there. This is the conflict between our sinful nature and the work that the Holy Spirit is doing in us.

A CLEAN HEART

You so poignantly describe how you had allowed the Holy Spirit to come into more and more areas of your life but that when it came to that last door you just could not open it up to Him.

I identify quite strongly with what you say here. I only know the parts of your journey which you have shared here, but I was wondering whether you have ever considered working with a counsellor? When we are wounded as children, there are often coping strategies which serve us well at the time, but which later prevent us from maturing emotionally. This can leave us feeling stuck and unable to cope with challenges that face us as an adult. I want to encourage you: there is healing to be had in this life. Maybe not complete - for that we need to wait until we are with Him - but sufficient. Prayer is important, but I believe God also provides us with professionals who can be effective in the healing process.

You write the following:

None of us deserves anything good. We deserve death if God judged us based on our sin. Life is His gift to us. He loves you so much that He wants you to have good things.

In response you your last plea:

I want to pray with you Deuteronomy 31:6-8.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you… The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

@CharlesDavid you are loved by God and by us all. You were created by God for a purpose but it is hard to fulfill or even find that purpose when your are suffering such pain. I pray that you will find healing through this community and also in your local community. I pray that God will provide a knowledgeable and loving servant who will walk through this healing process with you. I pray also that you will be able to lay down the burden of your brokenness before Jesus and let Him carry it. God will make a way, brother.

May God bless you and embrace you with His peace, dear brother.

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I am new to RZIM and just read your post. My heart goes out to the Lord on your behalf. I do not know anything but what I have read. May i tell you that i am so proud of you for openly sharing your hurts and pain. Your struggle in life has been mine also but He overcame so we can. The enemy wants to steal kill and destroy but life comes through Jesus. We all are victims of Satans vicious attacks and as victims Satan is the only perpetrator. Only good things come down from the Father all else comes from the pit. I love you and will be praying for the release you are looking for. Please remember that His grace is sufficient and His STRENGTH is made perfect in our weakness.
In Christ Mike

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@SeanO thank you for pointing me to Chip Ingram. I downloaded Invisible War as well as Diabolical.
When I first turned my life over to the Lord. I entered into spiritual warfare without even knowing it. At the time I would pray against the the Prince of darkness over Calgary. At the time I was reading about spiritual warfare.
I don’t remember which book it was but it was talking about the demonic Prince that governs a city or region.
So I started to pray against the Prince of Calgary.
Everytime I did my family would suffer some issue.
Through the books I soon discovered that I was under spiritual warfare and my family was being attacked.
Over time I stopped I think because I was not putting on the armor of God nor was I seeking the Lord’s help.
Over time I was very foolishly entering into battle on my own not with the Lord’s.
That was a lifetime ago. Over the last 20 years everytime I turned my life around and walked with the Lord. My wife would suffer for it. So I stopped praying and stopped walking with the Lord.
I had forgotten about the spiritual warfare piece of being a Christian.
Over this past year I have been praying to turn my life over to the Lord. Everytime without failure I was attacked without realizing what was going on.
The two video series reminded me about spiritual warfare all over again.
It was like a part of my mind put all things pertaining to spiritual warefare in a room locked the door and walked away.
After the videos I am with great reluctance opening that door and going to pull out what I locked up.
I am scared beyond belief to enter once again into spiritual warfare.
My wife is extremely fragile and another breakdown could be a one way ticket to an Institute with no return.
So as I surrender my life to the Lord for the gazillion time.
I desperately need to enter into spiritual battle with wisdom and knowledge.
Putting a shield of protection over my family especially my wife.
When I first entered this arena I felt like I was home that this is where I belonged.
Unfortunately, I was not properly equipped and soon was so badly defeated that I walked away from the Lord barely alive spiritually.
Thank you to everyone that lifted me up in prayer.
I realize I must enter once again into spiritual warfare but I need to do it under the protection and guidance of the Holy Spirit.
I don’t know how to insert scripture or copy and paste other people’s responses. May not be at that level yet.
I was drawn once more to Daniel 10 where it talks about the Prince of Persia and the Prince of Greece.
I now know I need to return to becoming a prayer warrior as I once did but this time I need to do it with the Holy Spirit by my side. To call once more for the Lord to wage war to stand beside me to defeat the principalities of darkness that have taken over this city and this country.

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I would like to say a very heart felt thank you from my very being.
For all the prayers and support. I was in tears as I read the responses from people that genuinely cared. I had forgotten what that was like.
I believed the lies that I was all alone and no-one cared.
Your prayers and standing beside me in this journey mean more thanbyiu will ever realize.
I had lived my whole life with hiding behind a mask.
Refusing to be open and vulnerable and real.
I have lived a lifetime of pain and struggle.
I am so done with that life I need to be once again a prayer warrior.
Please pray that as I turn my life over to the Lord. He gives me the wisdom knowledge and strength to be the person I was meant to be.

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@CharlesDavid Be strong in the Lord brother :slight_smile: Just remember, if you are in Jesus you are safe from the evil one! Just focus on Jesus!

1 John 5:18 - We are sure that God’s children do not keep on sinning. God’s own Son protects them, and the devil cannot harm them.

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My dear Charles

My heart goes out to you as you face this struggle. Hallelujah for CONNECT – that there are so many compassionate and caring Christian brothers and sisters, filled with the love of Christ and His Holy Spirit, who we can turn to in our darkness and who can help us keep our feet on the “straight and narrow”. Thank you for sharing so much deep hurt and pain. If there be any purpose to it all, it is to share it with others and help them come through it too. As has been said in the posts above, you are not alone – many of us can relate more closely than you might think. I am in a daily battle, like Paul says in Romans – the things I want to do I don’t do and the things I DON’T want to do I can’t stop!

I can’t even begin to understand the abuse you suffered in your childhood – from my own experience I know how it can have such far reaching consequences well into our adult life – which is hard to come to terms with when as an adult we may feel like we are supposed to have it all together – and yet we don’t!

And then there is the trauma of dealing with mental illness – and it is traumatic. My brother has struggled with it for more than fifteen years. The trauma has virtually blown our family apart. There has been some healing but the aftermath is sometimes heavy, exhausting and overwhelming. I sought professional help on how to cope and manage the stresses involved which certainly helped me for a time, to train my focus on the right things, to look at the issues of forgiveness and to find strategies that could help me manage the terrible outbursts and episodes that afflicted us periodically.

I hear you yearning and longing for more of God in your life. Truly the best way to find Him and to feel His direction in your life is to dive deeply in to His word. I encourage you to focus on Jesus – who He is and His life; how He conducted Himself under very unfair and difficult circumstances and what His promises to us really are. Acknowledge the presence of the Holy Spirit and ask Him to soften your heart towards Him. Ask for His guidance and ask Him to help you be obedient to what He’s prompting you to do. And then get back in the word. Listen to good bible based teachings. Listen to good praise and worship music. Seek fellowship. You will begin to hear Him and feel His presence.

When I decided I wanted more out of life than the fear and dread, stress and chaos I was experiencing, I made it my determined purpose to seek joy and peace because that’s what Jesus said I could have.

Jesus says in John 14:6 “I am the way, the truth, and the life…”

and in John 10:10 He says “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” I believe that promise is not for when we get to heaven but for right now.

He says in John 16:33 “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” I know that’s not what you want to hear when you are in a dark and exhausted place - Tribulation is a very big word and not something any of us want – ever! …And then to be told to CHEER UP!?

But I want to encourage you that abundant life is there for the taking. The minute you start receiving it and getting revelation about things, the devil will immediately come to try to steal it all away from you and distract you with the hardships of this life – and the more effective you are intended to be for God’s kingdom, it’s my opinion the harder the distractions come. But stand firm dear brother!

2 Chronicles 20:17 says “You will not need to fight this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you” Ephesians 6 talks about the armour of God. And James encourages us to Resist the devil and he will flee from you (James 4:7)

I pray Ephesians 1:17-19 over you “that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may KNOW what is the HOPE of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power towards us WHO BELIEVE…”

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I just boiled the carrots dry. I mean, I was boiling them in water while I was reading your posts or whatever they are called, got carried away and forgot the carrots. I think the smell must have got my attention. Well, got my attention after I had finished reading all your posts.

Sorry if this is in the wrong place and out of place with the way things are expected to be around here.

I’ve only been here a little while and have been trying to look around and work out how to navigate this place.

I’m jumping in here because I read your God given Passion and Purpose post.

Those words, God given Passion and Purpose, are very appealing to me.

I’m somewhat torn betwixt two things here. Wanting to say hello to you but not wanting to be out of place. No masks is where I think I live but I am suspicious also. Your post made me think, how can I know this guy is for real. So now that I have managed to read some more of your journey , as they seem to say around here, I am encouraged to say hi.

I’m from Australia and sorry if the way I talk is hard to understand. Even people who know me quite well struggle at times to understand me. I like to write. I like to read. I read Jesus and I would like to write Jesus. I like being cryptic and it is hard for me no to beat around the bush. I think I like to talk but I don’t generally talk much at all.

I joined this community because a friend of mine has stopped believing the bible and I was trying to find some help. Really, I wanted other people to speak to him but that might not happen except by proxy through me.

I am also lonely, so that probably explains a lot of things. But I want to have good and healthy Christian friendships. I would like to keep nattering away but it feels a bit like playing tennis by yourself, so I think I will stop and see if you want to say hello.

Bless you Brother.

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Thank you @carolinegreen for this incredibly loving and encouraging response. I was personally struck by the truth in the following:

You are a true blessing, dear sister. Thank you for this awesome reminder.

God bless you!

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@philm, you will find friends at RZIM Connect. We’re glad your participating.

It is certainly easy to get so involved in posts that we let “the carrots burn.” You aren’t the only Aussie, at least I don’t think so. Always good to hear from down under.

Thanks for reaching out to @CharlesDavid and to all of us.

If you have some Jesus questions, why don’t you start a post and pose the question. We’d all like to help.

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Dear @CharlesDavid, it’s so great to see this caring community of folks who’ve already reached out to you. Rzim is such a blessing! I was also moved by your deep struggles and commend your strength to share here. I know you’ve realized for starters that you are not alone and hope that has made you feel better already. See…the devil is a Liar!!!
You recognize at its core you’re in a spiritual battle, mentioning “the armor” a few times and I agree.

You’re right, Charles, you do not deserve God’s grace and forgiveness. Good news! There’s not a one, dead or alive, who ever did, does or ever could. That’s why what all Christ has done for us through His eternal and finished work at the Cross of Calvary, in perfect obedience to the will of The Father, is called Grace! “He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, …” (Rom 8:32) The ‘hard’ thing about Grace, though, I find we need to always remember, is it can only be “received!” We can’t earn it or ever do enough to deserve or merit it and why I need to hear and receive daily reminders.

At the risk of sounding like I’m oversimplifying, your victory already won for you “in Christ”, begins (as for me) in the mind. A renewed mind! (Rom 12:2). 2 Cor 10:5 should be a key verse to study, understand and practice. Yes, it’ll require being equipped with the full armor (Eph 6) - knowing what all Jesus has accomplished for you, the Truth of Who you are “in Christ” as a new creature, having believed the “gospel of peace” and become an “heir of salvation”. To recognize every high thing that sets itself against the knowledge of God and with the Word and right believing, be able to take every thought captive to the obedience “of” Christ.

May I highly recommend for a mega dose of Grace to correct and replace all the lies you may have harbored in your mind (as I had) to begin with “The power of Right Believing” book by Pastor Joseph Prince. Read it right alongside your bible. I do believe this can bring you the breakthrough you’ve been seeking for so long. It is Word based and your victory will be with the Word (Rom 10:17) just as Jesus Himself overcame in the wilderness. We see in the epistles, Apostle Paul continually pointing us back to remember who we are. Victory over sin (everything that misses the mark) is in knowing (receiving) our new identity and then walking in it. The book of Romans, the foundation we need to truly grasp God’s Grace. My brother, return to the beginning, trust the simplicity of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God unto your “salvation”, not just your ticket to heaven, but for where you find yourself right now. And right now, Charles, you are still righteous in Christ, having believed in Jesus and His sacrifice for you…and “the just shall live by faith”. 1:17.

I close with a prayer for you and your family and hope to hear in due time of the glorious testimony that our loving God and Father will work in your life as you choose to look to Jesus in His Word and prayer.

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@CharlesDavid, please let us know how you are doing when time permits. If you have some daily victories we would love to celebrate with you praising God. And if there are more struggles and more oppression, we as a community will stand with you and ask God to call forth his legions to battle the enemy.

My fervent prayer is that others in need will find their way to this thread of posts and be blessed by the community of faith. It is a good example of reaching out when the despair is overwhelming and the body of Christ reaching back to offer encouragement and support.

God is able. God is good.

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Thank you Jennifer,

I don’t think I have any Jesus questions to ask. I love the LORD because He first loved me. Even me. He not only loves me but without His enabling me to know that, I couldn’t know it. It is still a mystery to me why I am enabled and most people seem not to be. I like to think that I want to share Jesus with Brothers and Sisters, and with everyone else.

Both can at times be very difficult. Growing up in a broken home made scriptures like this,

Mark 10:29-30 29 And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel’s, 30 But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life. KJV

and this,

Ps 68:6 God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land. KJV

very meaningful to me.

Because of the fall, many families are dysfunctional and even God’s Family, too often suffers levels of dysfunctionality. No wonder, seeing we are all still in the process of being changed more and more into His likeness as we behold His Glory, from one degree of glory to another by His Spirit. 2cor 3 18.

I would have put this in the Connect forum, to @CharlesDavid, but I thought I read in the guidlines that I couldn’t or shouldn’t. This little book has been and still is, a great blessing to me.

From 'Intimacy with the Almighty ’ Charles R. Swindoll,

page 17 … As important and intriguing as divine depths might be, they defy discovery by the natural means of our minds. He reserves these things for those whose hearts are completely His - for those who take the time to wait before Him. Only in that way can there be intimacy with the Almighty.

page 19 … No one is ready to take on the depths unless you are fed up with the superficial. What you long for, unless I miss my guess, is intimacy with the Almighty. You want to be profoundly aware of His presence, in touch with Him at the deepest possible level, thinking His thoughts, gleaning His wisdom, and living as close to His heart as is humanly possible, operating your life in the nucleus of His will, I desire the same I freely admit.

page 53 … Solitude has been called the ‘furnace of transformation’ …

page 55 … God, who probes our deepest thoughts during protracted segments of solitude, opens our eyes to things that need attention.

page 56 … In solitude I get rid of my scaffolding … most of us resist that kind of soul searching … too radical … time is short, and who needs all that kind of self-analysis? The religious show must go on!

page 63 … you and I know of few places more susceptible to empty and endless chatter than religious circles.

page 67 … Anyone whose determined purpose is to become more deeply and intimately acquainted with God cannot … be anxiously preoccupied with working out the details of his own life

page 73 … When I keep my hands out of things, God’s will is accomplished, God’s Name is exalted, and God’s glory is magnified.

These comments still stir my heart. In fact, only a week or so ago, I tried again at the local library, to see if they would purchase it for the library. This time I asked someone who used to work there before (as she was filling in) she seems to be very proficient. I asked her how her birthday was. She has the same birthday as Muriel, the 9th of the 9th September, the only month with 9 letters in it (so Muriel would say) but 30 years apart.

I joined this community because a friend of mine has stopped believing the bible and I was trying to find some help. Really, I wanted other people to speak to him but that might not happen except by proxy through me. I did post a question, sort of, Slavery and the Bible and I need to keep trying.

Maybe I will find some friends at RZIM Connect, maybe.

Thank you for speaking to me,
Bless you Sister,