I feel like to have to tell someone about this because for me, and for anybody, this is deeply troubling.
In November 2017, I attended Life which was an amazing conference set up by Shake the Nations and Christ for All Nations, featuring Daniel Kolenda, Todd White and Nathan Morris. I saw the Holy Spirit in action which was just amazing to see.
Now, one day I was suffering from really bad anxiety and depression. I was in the middle of doing something and then suddenly in my mind a thought came into my head and this thought was that what I saw from Life was not from the Holy Spirit but from the Devil. Immediately after this thought came into my mind, I was shocked. Moments later, I felt my heart hardening. Oh my word, it was a really awful experience, I just wanted it to go away. Is this confirmation that I have blasphemed against the Holy Spirit, committed against the unforgivable sin or was Satan just trying to trick me?
I have looked into what exactly is Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit but there are various explanations as to what this is which is deeply frustrating - especially as you are extremely desperate for an answer!! On nearly every source it says something along the lines of if you’re worried about committing, it means that you haven’t. I don’t understand the logic behind this. Can someone please explain this to me?
I think I haven’t because God has been speaking to me in amazing ways recently and plus how can a person commit this sin and have the knowledge that they are going to hell when they die? I find it hard to believe that God can allow that to happen. Think about it, knowing that you’re going to hell, no matter what you do, that’s it. Can you think of anything scarier???
Furthermore, when I pray, I occasionally feel this sensation in my heart. Maybe it’s psychological?
Thank you reading this post. I need answers just like the dessert misses the rain.