I understand your eagerness to get answers for your “why”. I had been doing the same for more than 10 years. Looking for answers from God why our first son died. What was the purpose of it? It was a very difficult journey, I must admit. One of the key things I understood was that for whatever reason (God knows it why) it must have been very important for me (or for us?) to learn to love and trust God despite he died. It took longer but the roots of faith get much deeper I believe.
God gave me piece after piece, slowly building me up. What I thought to be the last answer was a preaching at my then church, about that there might things “behind the curtain” we cannot know about, such as why it took Daniel 21 days to get his answer (Dan 10:12-13 “Then said he unto me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words.But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me one and twenty days: but, lo, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me; and I remained there with the kings of Persia.”)
Another scripture from the Book of Daniel which I think shows that the end God makes His choices, He is able but acts according to His own will is in chapter 3, where Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said: “If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.”
Another story that I have been thinking still a lot about concerning healing is in John 5. Jesus healed a man at the pool of Bethesda. One. There were many. Why just one? John 5:16 says “And therefore did the Jews persecute Jesus, and sought to slay him, because he had done these things on the sabbath day.” Would have it matter if He had healed a dozen or more? It was sabbath anyway. But the Bible talks about only one He healed.
The reason why I would like to reflect on what you said “Paul seemed fed up with a woman who could foretell things so he casts out that spirit in her.” is that it relates to a crucial point in my journey about the meaning of our son’s death.
I believe there was more in casting the spirit out of the girl than being fed up with it. Act 16:17-18 " The same followed Paul and us, and cried, saying, These men are the servants of the most high God, which shew unto us the way of salvation. And this did she many days. But Paul, being grieved, turned and said to the spirit, I command thee in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her. And he came out the same hour." The Amplified version says: “Then Paul, being greatly annoyed and worn out…”. What I think the most interesting in this story is that the girl was telling the truth. They were the servants of the most high God. So why was it such a problem, that they finally casted the evil spirit out? There might be many fitting answers to this question, but regarding my journey it meant to me that even the truth revealed at a wrong time can destroy or even kill. We know that God would never ever want to hurt us but would like to lead us to all truth, so the question comes up, why does it matter when we learn about things?
What I recognized during my long journey of finding answers for my “why” question was that God was always very careful never to reveal me more than I was able to handle that time. Never ever. And when I heard that preaching, it helped me to accept that I might never get to know the answer here on Earth - I’ll get that when I’ll be with Him. And for almost two years I was sure that was my final answer, I found absolute peace with it. I got it when I was able to cope with it, not earlier (still wasn’t easy but I was able to handle it). And then unexpectedly, when once I was talking about this experience, how important it is to be ready for the truth I got my final answer: there is no need for an answer. Getting this at the beginning or even at an earlier point of my journey would have killed me. Is it important to seek the truth? Yes, absolutely. But it is also important to let God lead us on our journey, so we can be sure we are safe.
I just would encourage you, as others did here - keep seeking the Lord, put your trust in Him, and let Him lead you on your journey.