My story begins in Amarillo, TX. I was born into a crazy household. My mother split when I was a few months old and I was raised mostly by my grandmother (Grambo) and my dad. My dad was a musical genius but like most artistic geniuses, he had a dark side. My dad suffered from schizophrenia, which in the very least was brought on by drug abuse. Growing up, my dad was in and out of mental institutions. When he was in the “mad house”, it would just be mostly me and my Grambo. One way I learned to cope with the abandonment of my mother, the mental illness of my father as well as other abuse that happen to me, was picking up a guitar at age 6. At an early age, I was immediately drawn to music. I had a deep fascination for music and gravitated towards it very naturally. At the age of 12, I was introduced to drugs and alcohol. This would be the beginning of an addiction that would endure for 26 years of my life. By the time I hit high school, I was completely out of control. I had no real parental guidance. My dad and I would smoke marijuana and take hallucinogenics together. Within the first six weeks of my freshman year in high school, I dropped out. School just wasn’t my thing. I soon moved in with a girlfriend and my life continued to spiral out of control.
A month after I turned 17 in late Feb of 1997, I followed my girlfriend out to California and never looked back. I thought by being in a different state, clear across the country, I would “clean up my act”. That didn’t happen. My drug use and alcoholism continued.
In 2005, I moved to Los Angeles and shortly after, I began singing for a famous rock m roll band. This lead to touring the world, living out my childhood fantasy. I told myself, “I finally made it!” From the outside, everything seemed like the perfect fairytale (for a rock n roller). I came from a poor family with no education what-so-ever yet I was living out my childhood dream- making a living, traveling the world, performing in front of thousands of people.
However, the reality of the situation was quite the contrary. Inside, I was hurting beyond imaginable. I was consumed with total fear, anxiety, depression with daily doses of suicidal thoughts. The more I felt these negative emotions, the more drugs/alcohol I used. Ironically, the drugs and alcohol were causing much of my anxiety and depression, yet it would temporarily take it away. It worked until it didn’t. Then I did it all over again. It was quite the paradox. It was also insanity.
Throughout the years, I would check into rehabs or get put on new meds and get sober for a short stint but it never lasted. Inevitably, I would end up back on drugs. I constantly looked for a “magic pill” that didn’t exist.
By the end of 2017, I finally had hit my bottom. I was “living”(more like coping in survival mode) in a constant state of hopelessness. My life was pure hell.
Early Jan of 2018, I got sober. I had no idea what I was going to do to remain sober but I knew that it had to be something different. It had to be “something that worked”. Little did I know what was just around the corner that would completely alter the coarse of my life.
On 1.18.18, I went to see my doctor. As I was telling him my plans to head to Peru to take a local hallucinogenic that supposedly helped folks kick drugs( crazy I know but I had run out of options;-), he looked up at me with no judgement what-so-ever and simply suggested, “hey maybe before you do all that, why don’t you come down to this Celebrate Recovery meeting tomorrow night?”
I’ll spare you the details but let’s just say I wasn’t too keen on the idea. I had been to meeting before and they didn’t do much for me.
The following day,(1.19.18) which was a Friday, my girlfriend basically demanded that we go to that Celebrate Recovery meeting. So we did. We fought the entire drive. Full of puffed up pride, I told her how the meeting wouldn’t do anything for me and how stupid religion was and bla bla bla.
Long story short, by the third song into Worship, I broke down like a little baby. Years of trauma, abuse and abandonment had rose to the surface after being buried deep inside for decades. I remember looking up to God and saying” I submit Lord. I just can’t do this my way anymore. My way has got me nowhere”.
I remember leaving that meeting, feeling like a completely different person. Tons of weight had been lifted from my shoulders. My girlfriend and I then jumped into the car and headed home. And that was that…or so I thought.
Before I proceed, I must state that as profound as my experience was,(that I’m about to share) I purposely am not going to get into the details for the simple fact that I don’t want to put too much emphasis on the experience itself and keep it more about Jesus and how he changed my heart. The reason being is after my experience, I told everyone and anyone who would listen( as most people probably would have) but I soon realized that it either sounded so far fetched to some to where they thought I was crazy or many almost had a “well why did that happen to you and not me?” type mentality so I want to keep the focus more on how Jesus changed my life.
In the early hours of 1.20.18( Sat), I had an experience with Jesus Christ that was so incredible and so profound that it Completely transformed my heart as well as my life. Literally overnight, my life was turned upside down.
From that moment forward, I gave my life to Christ and I haven’t looked back.
“The proof is in the pudding” as they say. Folks who have known me before will all, unanimously tell you that I’m a completely different person.
Today, I’m drug and alcohol free. I’m off All doctor and over the counter drugs. I quit smoking. Lost about 50 lbs and am in the best shape of my life.
My depression and suicide thoughts? Completely gone. Though I have a little anxiety from time to time, it’s Nothing like what it was before. It’s completely manageable without drugs of any kind.
(Side note, I realized after getting sober and giving my life to Christ that I had never learned patience before. Though it’s been a slow process, I’m gradually learning patience as I walk in Christ . Much of the anxiety I do get is stemmed from lack of patience. The more I learn patience, the less anxiety I get)
I’m healthier and happier then I’ve Ever been and I owe Every bit of it all to Jesus Christ. He literally saved my life. In all aspects. As the Bible says, my old self died and I was reborn into Christ.
Today, I’m so in love with Jesus Christ and learning the Word of God, which is ultimately what lead me here. To continue to grow and learn more. I’m looking to connect with like minded individuals.
Ultimately, I would love to share my testimony with others.
There are many people out there hurting like I was and I would love to hopefully plant seeds and help steer them in a better direction. To let people know that Jesus Christ is real! The Bible is real!
I still get gitty like a little kid on Christmas Day when I think about that. Most of my life I thought Jesus, the Bible, all of it was made up fairytales. Many people believe that. I was Dead Wrong.
When that fact sets in, that Jesus Christ is actually real and that he Is our messiah, it’s mind blowing! I mean, if that doesn’t get people dancing on cloud nine then I don’t know what will. It’s Truly Earth shattering. Best news ever. Everything else pales in comparison.
Jesus Christ saved my life as he has with millions of other people’s lives around the world. From all different backgrounds and all walks of life. Not just Christians but atheists, agnostics, New Ager’s, Hindu’s, Buddhists, Muslims, etc from all around the world. (Just YouTube “Jesus Testimony” and get ready to have your mind blown)
I pray that this testimony helps someone on their journey to sobriety and ultimately helps lead them to a relationship with Jesus Christ.
I hate to sound cliche but if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. Truthfully.
God Bless and thanks for reading my testimony,