How am I still stuck?

I am stuck. I am in a pit due to many self inflicted wounds. I feel I have regressed in my spiritual walk and feel more like a fraud than ever before. I feel like no word in scripture will bring me hope that I will change and I feel I have lost trust in God and His power. When you are battling for so long and you feel no matter what you are still on the floor, you just become tired of trying to get back up and want to quit, maybe walk away and go back to your old life. Today I even wanted to fight with God knowing that His powerful might can crush me immediately and knowing that whatever is happening in my life ultimately I am wrong and it is something that is wrong with me. I have been told, in due time God will come when you have reached that point and surrendered (Im tired of waiting for that moment, and am I that stubborn?). Others say you need to do your part (if this has anything to do with this, I can tell you right now, I know my heart, I know that I have no desire to work hard or put any effort in to change, so does that mean there is no hope for me?). Other views are it is is a mix or have more faith or this or that. I speak to God. I have been on my knees. I have shed tears. I have prayed, read, connected, communicated, waited but I am still here. How am I still stuck? Does anyone know how I can find discipline and self control to pluck the ‘LARGE foxes’ out of my garden, or the ‘seven demons’ from the throne of my heart? Or how I can be that new creature (with the FRUIT of the Spirit) I thought I was supposed to be 10 years ago (right now I feel no different than a nonbeliever)?

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Hi there!

I’ll start off by saying I’m not the wisest contributor on this forum, but I have been pondering your post for most of the day, as it honestly bothered me a little. I asked myself, “How has this person poured themselves out to God, but seemingly isn’t hearing from Him?” Sometimes I feel the same way you do, where I just feel like such a fake Christian or that I simply must be an unbeliever. But I would like to emphasize something: We must not trust our FEELINGS, we must trust God’s PROMISES. We may FEEL like we’re just a dreadful, too far gone mess. But God has PROMISED that ALL who call upon the name of the Lord will be saved. (Romans 10:13). Proverbs 3:5-6 also says, “Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

God wants us to trust Him, regardless of how we feel. That would be my encouragement, friend! I will be praying for you!

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Hello Majd,

I am so sorry that you feel so bad. I remember a time when I felt like every word Jesus wrote was directed to me, and I was nothing but a hypocritical fraud.
These words from Paul helped me to keep the perspective that God already knows and I can continue to confess my sin to Him, every single time I sin.

(1 Timothy 1:15 - 17) Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Christ Jesus came to save you (and me). It’s not a shock to Him that you are who you are. You can’t really earn salvation because He gave it as a free gift.
That said it is a lifelong battle to walk in the Spirit so as not to fulfill the lust of the flesh. Praise God, He gave us the Holy Spirit to help us (John 14:16-17).

I would suggest to go ahead and fight with Him. He’s not hurt or surprised by your feelings (He knows them already…), and it is honestly better to turn towards Him (with all of your feelings) than away from Him.

May God bless you.

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@ ashton i think that’s a wise contribution… our faith ( difficult as it may be at times) should always rest on who God is (and his word) …@ majd.shaio can you please share a bit more about your situation…have you been struggling alone ? or did you have a support structure ?

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Philip,
I have a large, wise, and loyal community of believers behind me. A remarkable network and support system, without which, I would likely be even worse. As I mentioned above, I have connected and communicated my thoughts, emotions, fears, troubles, challenges with many of the believers in my life and have heard many different views and takes on how to approach life and its challenges. I agree. Ashton’s response was a lovely reminder to refocus away from feelings, and more on the promises of God.

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1 Timothy 1:15-17 is a remarkable verse. Wow. I really love the part about Christ reaching out to me that He may use me as an example of His immense patience to others so they may draw near to God. Also nice to be reminded to strive with God. Thank you Tola.

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Hello @majd.shaio, thank you for sharing your current experience with us. I know how difficult it is to wrestle with God spiritually, feeling lost, stuck, and unable to find Him or to hear the promises in His word. I’m sorry that you are experiencing this disconnect. Without knowing your specific situation, I hope I can offer you at least some encouragement that is relevant to the cry of your heart.

A few years ago, I found myself in a similar situation. I remember going and talking to one of my pastors, telling her that I couldn’t hear God’s voice, in my spirit or in His word. I prayed and sought God, but felt like he was distant and unreachable. With tears, I said to my pastor, “I don’t know what God’s problem is!” She responded, also shedding tears of compassion, “Sometimes, it isn’t that God is being silent, but He is speaking in a new way.”

The journey of feeling spiritually dry lasted a couple of years. Then, I started to realize that God was actually calling me into intimacy with Him. What I had perceived as His absence was actually his wooing my heart into a deeper revelation and experience of Himself. In Song of Solomon 5, we read about the shulamite who sought her beloved but couldn’t find him. His perceived absence awakened within her a lovesickness that hadn’t previously been evident. As she searches for him, frantically asking for help, seemingly to no avail, she remembers, “I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine.” Immediately she hears her Beloved’s voice speaking to her again, telling her that he was overcome by desire for her.

Could it be that God is actually pursuing you, drawing you into a deeper, more intimate relationship with Himself? I believe that He is.

If you were suggesting that you find yourself falling into sin, and feel unable to overcome it, the good news is that its true, you can’t beat it on your own. But God can and will help you!
Romans 5:8-10 tells us that Jesus died for us while we were his enemies. How much more, now that we have been reconciled by His blood, will we be saved by Him!?

Even in your failings, God loves you! He is seeking you and He wants to heal you. Don’t give up. Jesus is holding you and He won’t let you go. One of the songs that I sang over and over again when I was first in Christ was “Rock of Ages, Cleft For Me.” I hope these lyrics encourage and strengthen you as they have me.

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy riven side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure,
Save me from its guilt and power.

Not the labor of my hands
Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;
Could my zeal no respite know,
Could my tears forever flow,
All for sin could not atone,
Thou must save, and Thou alone.

Nothing in my hands I bring,
Simply to Thy cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress,
Helpless, look to Thee for grace:
Foul, I to the fountain fly,
Wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath,
When mine eyes shall close in death,
When I soar to worlds unknown,
See Thee on Thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee.

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@majd.shaio Hello my fellow pilgrim! 2 Corinthians 3:18 tells us that the only way for transformation is by us looking or deeply gazing at the Lord (and therefore not at ourselves). When any of us look at ourselves, we are bound to feel despondent. The scriptures tells us in Romans 7:18 that “in me, that is in my flesh, good does not dwell.” Whenever we keep looking at ourselves to find something good (spiritually speaking), it is as if we are constantly trying to find something to salvage from the trash heap which we had deemed long ago as trash. Romans 6 is a great chapter to meditate on in this respect. Romans 6:11 talks about us being dead to sin. That is how God sees us judicially. We reckon ourselves so because God says so and not because we feel it or see it. As we look to the Lord, and as we reckon what He says to be true as true, we are changed little by little. The complete transformation will be at His coming when He will redeem even our bodies. Here’s advice I received from a preacher years ago, “for every time you look at yourself, look nine time to Christ.” And remember that God loved you while you were still a sinner. He knew you. He knows you now completely, and He says, “come to me” (Matthew 11:28). Accept that He accepts you as you are and offers you His righteousness. You’ve got nothing to give to atone for your sins or to sanctify yourself. It is all His work. Our only work is to dwell in His presence where the Spirit of God can work. Don’t fret and don’t compare. We are all on the same journey, and we are all in need of His grace. Meditate on Galatians 2:20. Fall into His arms and communicate with the Lord throughout your day. Talk to Him in your heart about everything and give thanks always for all things. When you mess up, talk to Him about it. Proverbs 24:16 is an encouraging verse when we fall. The Lord bless you with an abundance of peace as you seek Him.

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Majd, Thank you for your honesty. My heart goes out to you as I experienced similar feelings and struggles in the process of change in my life. I worked so hard to change, beat myself up for what I felt was failure to change, was tempted to quit. I felt like I was the one sheep who had strayed from the fold and I wasn’t sure I was worth God coming to find me. But then I learned that God had been there all the time. I just couldn’t see Him, perhaps because I was working so feverishly on my own. An analogy comes to mind of a person who is drowning. The worst thing that person can do in their panic is struggle against the person who is trying to rescue them. But if they can quell the panic and allow themselves to sink into the arms of the one who is rescuing them, they will be safe. God’s already got you and He will continue to rescue you.

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I agree, do you have a prayer request for this community ? or anything else you would like to say ?

Glad you’ve reached out @majd.shaio! Hope this helps point you in right direction, at least. :pray:t4:(1 Cor 12:26)
At the risk of sounding simplistic or elementary, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation…” “For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.” Rom 1:16-17. You may not be hearing…and hearing…the Word of God, Rom 10:17 (taught according to 2Tim2:15) or you’ve not believed it. Heb 4:2.

One you’ve obeyed (2Thess 1:8) the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, (1 Cor 15: 1-4) been redeemed Not with corruptible things, but with the precious blood of Christ (1Pet 1:18) receiving the forgiveness of sins…(here’s powerful Truth you might’ve missed) “according to the riches of His grace”. Eph 1:7, then you’ve been accepted “in the Beloved”, (Eph 1:6) and “…sealed with that Holy Spirit of promise” Eph 1:13.

These, my friend, are but the ‘starters’ of your Salvation. But only through good teaching that expound many, many lessons, even on just the few verses mentioned here, would you be able to fully “receive” these powerful, heart-transforming, life-altering truths! Have you heard them…from a good teacher, studied them yourself? Or…(Gal 3:3)?

If you have heard the only true Gospel for today, then know that…"…He (God, the Father) hath made Him (Jesus) to be sin for us, Who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him" (2Cor 5:21, Rom 1"17) To meditate a while on this one truth alone is guaranteed to set your heart ablaze… :facepunch:t3::innocent::100::raised_hands:t5:. This is the heart of the Grace message! And…it is
the goodness of God (only) that will lead you to repentance. (Rom 2:4) A simple change of mind…that requires lots of good study on right doctrine! It is out of the heart that comes the things that defile…(Matt 15:18-19) and the heart is changed when the mind is renewed to the things of God. (Rom 12:2, 2 Cor 3:18)

Truth is your answer is really not so simplistic…for there is No substitute I’ve found for the maturing of the child of God, apart from “correct doctrine and diligent study”! Please…as a student…I encourage you to grab your bible, start with even these in this writing…let God’s Word be confirmed in your own heart. I am confident @majd.shaio, if you do, you’ll be well on your way to living the life Christ paid to give you.
Happy studying…and God grant you to know the wisdom and knowledge of His Will! :pray:t4::innocent:

… good question.
I think there a lot of people that feel mixed up with expectations where it seems that the spiritual Christian life isn’t really working. Most stay silent and hope to go unnoticed. So it’s good when someone says something I certainly know what it feels like to think: "What am I doing wrong? And how come I can’t “get this” after years of bible and church and Christian media.

I’ve put together kind of a skeleton of thoughts in a bit of a poem to relate and demystify how, if we expect to grow as believers there are incorrect beliefs and obstacles within ourselves to face. If we’re not meeting the challenges of these things (facing our ugly issues of sin) with the word of God and the courage to grow and make adjustments and renew our mind then it’s possible that those Christian beliefs we think we have might be a bit too shallow and underdeveloped, or possibly they may be just held as formality for religious sake.

What I’m really pointing out is that we’re prone to self deception about what we think we believe and where our spiritual walk and growth is really at.

But when failure brings us to a point where we have to ask “what is really true?” and “What do I really believe?” I think when that happens it’s the mercy and kindness of God giving one more opportunity to turn to Him and walk in his Spirit ~ one obedient step at a time.

If I continually fail then why am I so lame?
How can I ever be different when I already know I’m to blame?

A fool returns to his folly like a dog returns to its vomit.
I’m a wandering star I’m a driverless car on a path like an orbitless comet.

How can I be what I must when my reach doesn’t reach and my trust doesn’t trust?
Is there a breach in my reach where my reach cannot reach? Does my trust’er lack muster; or what?

Truth and lies walk different paths but they go step by step for sure.
And the journey, path and steps we walk is where we do or don’t mature.

False presumptions from the past can be delusions that endure.
These things can define our fights and flights and fears and all things insecure.

To leave the ways of our yesterdays is a footprint of tomorrow’s promised future.
We hold the light by acknowledging what is right and walking in the faith of this adventure.

Thank you for your desire to pray for me. Pray that our community will not be like the loveless church in Revelations. And pray for me whatever is on your heart from reading what details I felt were necessary to provide regarding my personal struggles. God bless you!

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I just wanted to thank you all for reaching out in this forum. I encourage more replies as I enjoy hearing from anyone who has genuinely thought out their response, who has looked on my struggles with compassion and has related to me in some way, as I find a relatable testimony is always encouraging. I have read and studied scripture, and learned from many great leaders (people who live out the gospel and not just teach it) but as I said, sometimes life can be challenging and just doesn’t present itself in a concrete way whether because I have messed up time and time again, or due to some other external event. As a human, it is very easy to forget the promises of God and to be caught up in the accusations of the enemy. If some people are so unshaken and always living their best life in Jesus, God bless them more and more, but that has not been my life these past few years. As I said, I have appreciated your responses that have been thought-filled and some of them really spoke to my heart. I have enjoyed many wonderful reminders (verses) that have been shared. I have especially enjoyed the ones that encourage me to keep reaching out to God, to open my hands to receive from Him and to not give up. I hope to one day meet some of you or even talk, pray and worship the Lord with all of you if not now, in heaven.

Thank you again, and God bless you all. To Him alone be the glory in my life and yours.

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Hi, @majd.shaio :wave: Welcome to Connect :slight_smile:

You are not alone in that feeling. I share the same struggle that you have. But I also found encouragement from the responses you received.

I’m sharing the link to the post that I had below in case you would find some nuggets of truth that could help.

I’m still fighting the battle. But one thing that I have been recently reminded of about overcoming is that the reason of my failure is in seeking fulfillment of my desires from things, people who can never really fulfill them. Thus I keep falling to the same trap after some days, weeks, months, and even years of resistance.

I don’t claim to be a disciplined person. But what I do differently now is to replace the build up of sinful desires to a reminder of worship. I have yet to prove consistently that worship do not disappoint; that worship is always filling and fulfilling. But, if ever this fallen body would fail me, I know that my Lord is still at work within me. I will keep coming back to His throne of grace because there will be nowhere else I could go where I can find acceptance and forgiveness.

Instead of giving up, I always come back to these verses:

John 6:67-68
Jesus said therefore unto the twelve, Would ye also go away? Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.
(There’s nowhere else that is good that I can go to.)

Psalms 130:3-4
If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.
(Only God forgives and accepts a sinner like me.)

John 6:37
All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.
(He will never refuse me.)

Pray :pray: this helps :slight_smile:

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Hello @majd.shaio!

First of all, I just want to thank you for being transparent with us and for your genuinely sincere heart of desire for truth and love, even in this extremely tender and sensitive aspect of the journey.

There have been multiple answers that have been of great encouragement to me while reading this conversation. Thank you all for your hearts to open up, relate to, and testify of how something so confusing, discouraging, intense, and disheartening can ultimately and miraculously draw one to the God of life. (Psalms 42:8 KJV, Zephaniah 3:17)

These statements immediately reminded me of when Jacob wrestled with God in Genesis 32:24-30. It is recorded that Jacob literally clung to God through the physical turmoil and intense struggle of this wrestling match he was in. Yet, because of God’s strong hand on Jacob’s life and His transforming power, Jacob came through it, stood back up, and finished his life’s journey as a different man after this moment. However, I noticed this intense meeting with God took place in the mid of night and vast darkness. It was in this completely dark moment when God did one of the major life changing things in Jacob’s (Israel’s) life. In this account, Jacob was determined to cling to God, through the dark night and into the break of dawn (when there was “light at the end of the tunnel…however long the tunnel took to get to the light…) until God blessed him—until God came through and granted His blessing upon this man’s life, which ultimately was a major factor in changing the course of this man’s entire life.

I personally have found that the more I really seek to find out Who the kind of God I say I am serving really is, the more I stand in awe that that God is my God. He does not change, no matter if feelings or circumstances seem to be completely lost in the valley of darkness, night, and confusion.

@majd.shaio, don’t we all do this. I am right there so many times. I don’t have much to add to much of what has already been stated, but as a “co-runner” in the race of life here on earth, I just want to encourage you to press on and really, really seek to get to know Who our infinite God is, with His specific infinite attributes, knowledge, and true love. Some videos that have helped me are:

“How Bad Do You Want It?” By Tony Evans:

https://www.lightsource.com/ministry/the-alternative/how-bad-do-you-want-it-217175.html

“The Power in God’s Name” YouTube series by Tony Evans (The below is only the first sermon out of the series of seven videos. The other six include the names: 2.) Elohim; 3.) Jehovah and Adoni; 4.) Jehovah Nissi and Jehovah Tsaba; 5.) Jehovah Rohi and Jehovah Jireh; 6.) El Elyon and El Shaddai; and 7.) Emmanuel.):

And then the video called “How Great is Our God” by Louie Giglio:

I hope this helps👍

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