@Geethab, thank you for posting this. My heart goes out to you as you seek God’s will for your life. I’m praying for wisdom for you and for peace and joy along the path.
My experience of singleness has been slightly different from yours, but I’m touched by your questions. I’m in my 40s, and I never married. This is not what I would have chosen, yet I’m confident God wants me to remain single at this time to fulfill the ministry He has for me.
I can’t make a commitment to lifelong singleness because I have a hard enough time discerning God’s will for me today. I have no idea what kind of ministry He’ll want me to do in 20 years. Maybe then it will be better to be married. I think of James 4:13-15 (ESV):
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”
If God warned against making absolute statements concerning tomorrow’s business dealings, I’m not sure He wants us to make these statements about marriage either. However, @tpauls8 is right that Matthew 19:12 implies it is sometimes noble to make a commitment to singleness. I’m not sure how to fit the Matthew passage with James. I welcome input.
Since I’m uncertain about God’s desires for my future, I turn back to Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV):
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Acknowledging God in all my ways today is a big enough challenge.
I feel for you because you’re facing certain difficulties in singleness that I don’t have to worry about. I was born into a Christian family, and my parents are happy to let my sisters and me live with them since we’ve all remained single. I’m blessed with life in a family unit.
I sometimes struggle with the disapproval of society. Here in the States, it’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to be single and independent. Independence is admired. It’s okay to live with a roommate. Living with your parents when you’re in your 40s isn’t supposed to happen. Since I’m confident God wants me here, I try not to think about society’s opinion, but I find myself making excuses when I have to admit to people where I live.
Living in a communal setting with other Christians can be a great solution if you have that opportunity in your area. I don’t think there’s anything like that close me, so I’d have to give up the ministry God has called me to do in order to move to a different city or state. Not worth it.
Do you have a good church community? Is there something we can do as the church to better serve singles who have to live alone? Sam Allberry’s book convicted me that I don’t reach out to the singles in my church enough. They don’t have the same family unit that I have, and I need to be there for them.