Hi everyone, I have been struggling with this fear since childhood… the fear of loss of loved ones… the fear of not being there for them, when they need me most… I would like to hear your own thoughts about it, practical ways to face it - anything you think that would encourage me… Thanks so much…
The best we could do for them in time of sorrows is to be with them, even without words, just be there.
It would be attentional comfort if you could sing them songs of hope of resurrection.
One of my best friends has this as one of her core fears in life. I don’t know how you can make it go away, per se, but I would encourage you to do your best to understand it…to dialogue with it.
So a couple of reflection questions for you:
You mentioned there’s also a parallel fear of ‘not being there for them when they need me the most’. What would it say about you if you weren’t there ‘when they needed you the most’? What’s the narrative there…what would be ‘true’ of you in that case?
Similarly, what if it’s also the fear of not having them there for you?? Does this thought disturb you in the same way? Death is not only a loss; it can be interpreted as an abandonment…a being left behind. If you don’t want others to feel abandoned, then there’s probably a good chance that you deeply fear being abandoned as well. (Though ‘abandoned’ may not be the right word!)
These are, to me, very logical things to fear, but fear doesn’t have to rule the day. When do you find the fears most prevalent?
Thanks Kathleen for those questions for reflection. I’ve never really given it much thought from that perspective, because I try hard to block them out and distract myself from being too occupied with it. You have given me quite a bit to ponder on right now.
Thank you so much @DCGotiza.
I have been finding recently that to push away my core fears tends to only feed my anxiety. The more I ‘bring them close’ – dialogue with them, try to get to know them, listen to them without judgement – the more I’ve been able to find that they ‘rule’ me less. When I allow them to ‘have a voice’, I have found that, ultimately, I don’t always have to give in to the panic.
I don’t know if this particular fear is ‘ruling’ you, but I just thought I would share the overall principle and see if it could be applied to you in your situation!