Thank you for candidly sharing @AlphaOmega. More people go through this than is probably spoken of, especially since most societies place a high value on being partnered and such.
I’m not going to give you any of the typical talk that we usually hear in church to address all matters of singleness. The fact is, most of us long for companionship. We have a longing in our hearts to share our lives with someone; to have inside jokes; to experience love with; to be intimate with; to grow old with; we desire to have someone that we can share the ups and downs with, someone who’s not only our partner but our best and closest friend. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
I’m older than you, and it used to be that I thought it was noble to be single or to deny having a desire to be in an well bonded relationship with someone. But, it’s not. When I came to Christ, I had to get real honest about that, my desires and that longing. When I look back over the years after coming to Christ, I can’t say that I’ve never again experienced that longing, because I have. But I always take that longing to God in prayer. It sounds a little hokey, but it wasn’t until now that I realized that’s been the primary way that I have addressed my singleness and all that comes with it. Without fail, something happens within to ease it.
I also use my time of singleness to get to know me and better understand what I desire in a husband should I ever get to the point of marriage. I do live a rather busy life; I have ambitions to work towards; an ailing and aging mother to care for; the gym; church; social activities. But the biggest lesson of being single and in Christ has been learning to enjoy my own company. If I don’t enjoy me and have contentment in my alone time, I can’t possibly expect anyone else to enjoy me and my company either.
Please note, drama doesn’t go away with age. LOL Maturity isn’t about age so much as it about learning and gaining wisdom over time. I look at people in their 30s and over and sometimes give thanks for being single.