Is being in relationship with opposite sex a sin?(boyfriend or girlfriend)

(Benjamin Kaigoulen Baite) #1

I have come across many denominations where this issue or a questions on this are crucially lacking.But our church greatly condemn it as sin,so there occurred an objection between the faith of one brethren to another.

Yes it is true that a closer or wrong relationship can cause further immorality or fornications which is against God’s will.But would it be right if that relationship turn out to be a blessings for both of them which brought them closer to the lord.Share me your opinion.

(Joshua Spare) #2

Thanks so much for your question, @BenjaminKBaite! I supposed I’m not quite following your question, so let me see if I can understand it. First, are you asking whether being in a heterosexual relationship (a man and a woman) is sinful? Or did I misunderstand you there? And if that is correct, are you saying that some people might say that it is sinful for a man and a woman to be in a relationship with one another because they can lead to sinful thoughts and actions?

Thanks again for your question! I would love to offer some thoughts, but I thought it might be best to make sure I was actually attempting to answer the question that you offered.

(Benjamin Kaigoulen Baite) #3

Hi dear Joshuaspare,Many young people are in relationship what they called it love.So can love relationship be there before marriage?I think that will be a simple way to question it.

(C Rhodes) #4

@BenjaminKBaite. Can you unfold the term relationship? Are you calling sexual intamacy relationship?

(Benjamin Kaigoulen Baite) #5

Relationship in this means an affection shown by an individual to a particular boy or girl other than a mutual friends or family circles…maybe infatuation

(Isaiah J. Armstrong) #6

I have listened to these broadcasts by Focus on the Family many times and
i always get something new. I’m sure it will help. (please listen to both Part 1 and Part 2 of each link)

the second one is addressed predominantly to women but as a guy it you still learn a lot by Dannah Gresh’s fascinating insights.

(Benjamin Kaigoulen Baite) #7

Thanks Isaiah J.Armstrong

(LaTricia January) #8

Unless a marriage is arranged, it is typical and acceptable that there may be a process of courtship. A courtship relationship is the opportunity to get to know one another, the other’s family/friends, and to better see a level of compatibility. I’m particularly fond of focusing on compatibility rather than infatuation/love as the bases for a relationship. Love is a choice; it’s an expression of commitment and it takes times.

The reality is that if one is single or coupled, desires will always come up - that’s a part of being human. How those desires are managed is the point. Parents are responsible for having open honest conversations with their children; single adults are responsible for understanding their limits and respecting the limits of another. Courtship isn’t a sin in and of itself, loving another person isn’t a sin in and of itself - abusing the courtship and love is an issue.

(Isaiah J. Armstrong) #9

Just wanted help with my two cents worth.

(Benjamin Kaigoulen Baite) #10

Thankyou…la tricia_january.That was a great and clearcut response to my question.

(Isaiah J. Armstrong) #11


Paul wrote very similar things in 1 Corinthians 7:

8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

(LaTricia January) #12

@BenjaminKBaite you are more than welcome.

(Gersona Andrianarijaona) #13

i don’t disagree with that answer
but one might object that as there are very few (if any) exemple of courtship relationship in the Bible, saying it is typical and acceptable has no Biblical ground. it seems the bible talk only of 2 options: being celibate, and being married (or at least in process of getting married, like being engaged).
so how would you support the fact that it’s not a sin ?
i don’t think the Bible condemns it either, but i was wondering about the way one can address the questionning person

(Kathleen) #14

Hi, all!
@BenjaminKBaite, thank you for the thoughtful question and @gers for the helpful follow up and for all contributing to the conversation! If I may, I wanted to add a couple of things to think about…

First, SO many questions that need clarification…
What is meant by the word ‘sin’? What exactly are we trying to discern whether it’s right or wrong? Are we asking a question about actions or about heart motives? Are we asking if it’s wrong/against God’s will/destructive/condemnable for a man and a woman to be in a ‘romantic’ relationship? And what does that even mean? Sexual intimacy between unmarried persons is pretty clearly forbidden in numerous places, but is this a further objection to any physical affection or emotional attachment?

Because I would not necessarily consider a dating relationship something God disapproves of. However, I do believe that romantic relationships are susceptible to being driven by lust, which is something God speaks against. And, yes, sometimes when people say they ‘love’ one another, it just means that they are merely sexually attracted to one another. That does not mean, though, that all romantic relationships are all lust all the time. Lust is certainly something one has to deal with when in a ‘love relationship’, but so are a whole host of other things God speaks against (selfishness, envy, pride, etc.).

I also recognise that ‘dating’ or ‘courting’ as such is a very Western European, individualistic construct, and, as a social convention, it was non-existent in the 1st century world. But I believe the same rules that applied to relationships in the 1st century can still be applicable to our relationships today, whatever their nature. Think of all the concepts that are expounded upon in the Bible: love, respect, honour, protect (esp. the vulnerable), sacrifice, work for the good of others rather than yourself, be kind, gentle, patient… These are the fruits of the Holy Spirit, and if the Holy Spirit is guiding all of our relationships, then even our dating relationships can glorify God.

(LaTricia January) #15

How do you suppose people get to the point of marriage? How do you suppose people get to gauge compatibility not just as individuals but also in a broader perspective of looking at merging families? That is a part of courtship.

Where the Bible speaks definitively, that’s what we have to go on; where it doesn’t speak definitively one way or another we’re required to exercise wisdom and discernment as we explore that area of freedom.