Is celibacy for an SSA Christian a realistic option?

Hi Sam! I really enjoy your talks on TGC and have been greatly ministered. Thanks for providing very true-to-reality and Biblically sound insights. :slight_smile:

I have a Christian friend who is SSA. I want to journey with him but am afraid to talk about this topic as he doesn’t really bring it up first, and isn’t openly SSA. I’ve only heard his views about it briefly twice, and from what I got, his main reason for continuing to pursue a same sex relationship is that he doesn’t see celibacy as a possible option because the church community is lacking/ doesn’t give him the social support/companionship he needs. Do you have any advice on how to talk about this lovingly, and how I can support him as his sister in Christ?

Thanks and God bless!


Dear Hadassah,

Thank you for posting this –– great to have you joining us on Connect. And thank you for that encouragement.

The reasoning of your friend is not uncommon –– that celibacy is untenable. It is the pervasiveness of this way of thinking that led me to write 7 Myths About Singleness.

The problem with this way of thinking is that it is contradicted by the Bible in so many ways:

  1. Paul speaks with unbridled positivity about singleness. It is a gift (1 Cor. 7:7). It can be an advantage in ministry (1 Cor. 7:35).
  2. Jesus himself was single, and yet was the most complete human who ever lived. If we think being married or romantically fulfilled is intrinsic to being fulfilled as a human, we are saying that Jesus was not fully human.
  3. Marriage is not without its only difficulties and challenges (see 1 Cor. 7:27 –– “those who marry will have worldly troubles”!). We are often comparing the ups of marriage with the downs of singleness, without recognising that there are downs of marriage and ups and singleness.

That said, the church has far more work to do on being a place of deep community and social support. I take your friend’s point on that. But it can never be an excuse for sin.

The best thing you can do is to offer the sort of healthy, biblically appropriate intimacy yourself that the church should be providing –– to be a starting point at least for him on this. You will be living proof that there is an alternative to illicit intimacy.

I hope this helps. Thanks again for sharing with us.

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