Marrying a divorced man

(Mizpah Ang Bañes) #1

Good morning everyone! I just want to ask regarding your views on marrying a divorced man because my aunt who is very dear to me is going to marry a divorced man. Most of our family members are against towards her decision because it’s not morally right according to the Bible. I’m not really sure about the understanding regarding this issue. It cause some conflict within our family because others are against it and few are supporting her. I wanted to help her and support her in a way that it is also according to the Bible. I hope you guys can help. Thank you and God bless.

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(SeanO) #2

@mizzie_22 I would want to avoid participating in any form of gossip or slander in a situation such as this one, but rather speak the truth in love if my family member invited me to do so. Are you aware of the reason that he was formerly divorced? There is some nuance and we should not be too quick to judge. Did she leave him or did he leave? Was she unfaithful? Was he unfaithful? I think you would need a lot of context to be able to make a Biblical decision, but here is an article and a thread you may find helpful.

Also, is your aunt Christian? Has she already sought pastoral counseling?

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(Dean Schmucker) #3

I believe it is best we look at the context. His message is to the religious crowd of his day. Though the couple may not be first timers in marrying, if they are acting from a pure heart, I don’t see an issue.

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(Mizpah Ang Bañes) #4

Yes she’s a christian also the guy a christian too. It was not the man who filed for divorced; it was his wife. So they think that it’s not wrong that they will get married. Thank you for this information.

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(Kevin Hurst) #5

Hi @mizzie_22 This is a very difficult situation. It is something that I face in my own family. I would also hold to the view that the Bible would speak against someone getting married after they are divorced. I would hold to the view that divorce is allowed in some situations as Jesus said of fornication (Matthew 5:32 KJV), but then that person should remain single as long as the other spouse is still alive. (Romans 7:1-5). This is also because of the vows that we made to each other - until death do us part.
But for me I think there is one thing to try to remember, that the person that your aunt is marrying is still a person. We still need to love them and not to hate. Hopefully see past what we view the Bible is calling sin and still love them and pray for them. For me, I try not to encourage them in their relationship, but also not to be preaching at them either. If they know where you stand on this, then let the rest in the Lord’s hands. Let him work with the seed that was planted. He is the final judge on these things. And hopefully some day your aunt can tell you like I have been told by my relation, We really respect you and what you stand for!
May Christ guide you in this and thank you for caring.:smiley:

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(Lindsay Brandt) #6

Hello, @mizzie_22. This is always such a sensitive and controversial issue. First, I respect and am grateful for the responses of my brothers in Christ here. However, I have to point out that Romans 7:1-5 is not a full discussion on marriage and divorce (in fact, it isn’t the focus or purpose of the passage, which is critically important when interpreting Scripture), so I don’t think that particular passage should necessarily be pulled from its context as a proof text for application to this particular question. Paul was using marriage as an analogy based on the ideal for a marriage (one without adultery, physical abuse, etc) to talk about the law and grace. When one is using an analogy, the thing being used as a standard for comparison is not the subject of discussion. That is important because when what is being said about the actual subject (law and grace) is cast upon the standard for comparison, understanding and interpretation can go awry. Context is always key when we are using Scripture to address any issue. Lets examine Matthew 5:32:
“But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason EXCEPT sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery” (NKJV, all-caps mine). In this entire passage, sexual immorality is the exception, meaning that if a woman remarries after someone leaves her for a reason other than sexual immorality, then adultery is committed. Added to this, if we are talking vows, when one party breaks the vows given to the other in a critical way, as in the case of sexual immorality, it breaks the covenant. Even God, after a time, declared the covenant entered into with Israel (which He spoke of in the prophets as a marriage) broken and “divorced” Israel by relieving the temple of His presence.

Also, the Scripture in Matthew is not exhaustive on the subject, either. For instance it states that a man divorcing his wife causes her to commit adultery but does not say the reverse, is a man who has been divorced by his wife then in the clear since there is no mention of that here?

Paul, speaking to a new situation as a representative of Jesus Christ, also does give an exception for unbelievers leaving believers and makes it very clear that the believer is not bound to that marriage or spouse.

This is not exhaustive, but it gives some thoughts that are important for consideration. I would echo Sean’s concern about joining in gossip or slander. Praying for you and the entire situation.

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