My Question: Holy marriage

Hi everyone,

I have some doubts regarding Christian marriage… Suppose if a boy and girl had already sexual intimacy before marriage but, later they confess to the Lord and wanted to have Christian marriage for life time… Would that be possible?


Hi, Chuimatai! Thank you for your question! To this I would say, absolutely that would be possible! Sexual intimacy before marriage is a sin, but God’s love, mercy, and grace in Jesus’ work on the cross are extended to those who have committed that sin just like any other. God’s mercy and grace are intended to be restorative, meaning it is meant to help those who have been living in sin not only stop sinning but step into that which they know God has designed to honor and glorify Him. In confessing and repenting, the boy and girl would receive God’s forgiveness for these sins because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross and would be able to step into the good purposes God has for them in their present and future relationships. This is the power of the resurrection. We are dead in our sins before we come to and believe on Christ as our Lord and Savior, but when we put our faith and trust in Jesus, we die to ourselves and are freed from sin, and then we are also raised to new life. Romans 6:4: “We therefore were buried with Him through baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may walk in newness of life.” The NKJV states the end of this verse a little differently, saying, “…even so we also should walk in the newness of life.”


@Chuimatai I completely agree with @psalm151ls here and if I may I can share a part of my testimony in this area.
Before I became born again, I was living with a girl. When I gave my life to Jesus I had to tell her that we could no longer sleep together. For a while, she agreed to this but in the end, we broke up. I made an agreement with the Lord that I would not kiss a girl until I got married.
I later met my wife and she was the first girl I kissed after becoming born again, on our wedding day.
God completely redeemed me and clothed me with garments of righteousness. I am completely forgiven and cleansed of all my sins. What a wonderful God he is :raised_hands:
God required radical obedience from me. He also asked me to give up alcohol and praying to idols. I gave him EVERYTHING and he has given me more than I could have ever dreamed in return.
I have been married for 9 years now and have two beautiful children. I really understand the importance of marrying a believer, as we are on the same page spiritually and in the raising of our children. Coming from a broken home to this is incredible. :raised_hands::raised_hands::raised_hands:


@brianlalor thanks for your wonderful testimony.

@Chuimatai it sounds like there’s a real personal need in your question, that’s it’s more than just a matter of curiosity? I’m not trying to pry, but just want to consider any responses as carefully as possible, but are you now a believer? Or a seeker?

When a person begins their life in Christ, a process begins called sanctification. We take on more and more of Christ’s character as we mature in our faith. Believe me, no one came to Christ without sin. Let me repeat…NO ONE. We all had/have things in lives that need repentance.

The treasure in having come to a saving faith is the gift of the Holy Spirit. The indwelling of the Holy Spirit is what enables us to overcome our rebellious ways and begin to live differently. So what looks like a mountain to climb can actually become a beautiful journey of faith and trust.

God is so good. He wants only the best for you. His best.


Thank you so much for the sharing indeed God love is unfailing Love


Thank you so much for your humble… Your testimony really touch me and release my burden… GOD is great


Thank you Praise God


Hi @Chuimatai,

Reading @brianlalor 's testimony, reminds me of something I feel compelled to share. And @psalm151ls has give you the scriptural outlay so cogently, so I would not go there.

Thx Brian firstly for sharing your wonderful story and such a disciplined conversion. You are a rare breed indeed today.

About 3 years ago, one of my mentee confessed to me that he was no longer a virgin. He already lost it to the non-believer girlfriend that he just broke up with back then. Then the Holy Spirit gave me a revelation for me to pass on to him, “Well, you may lose your physical virginity, and you can’t recover or undo what you have done. But you can reset your spiritual virginity from this point onward.”

So the update to that: He has been accountable to me since then, not without struggle of course. And now he has gotten close to a girl friend. I separated the term on purpose, because he wanted to prove to me that he respects the girl with this intentional distance (so no holding hands, not even a skin-to-skin touching commitment), until I approve of their readiness to commit for marriage, because he told me he wants his next one to be the last one, and he wants to guard that spiritual sanctity until marriage.

Just thought, this knowledge could be of help to anyone reading.

Blessings in Christ,


Totally possible, but not without potential consequences. Humans are such complex creatures and I think we take for granted the complexities of relationship.

From experience in my 16 year marriage, my wife and I attended the same church faithfully, but in our 4 years of dating prior to marriage, we got too close. We were not close because we were so intimate in our relationship with Jesus. It was lust and desire for one another as it could satisfy our individual desires. We were sneaking around and giving into our flesh. Well, many years later after marriage, this turned up to resurface and we found ourselves struggling to have a normal relationship since no longer had the same vibe and tenor to it as when we were sneaking around. We had to relearn how to make Christ first and not ourselves first. The human desire is fickle and moods change. A relationship built on a foundation of desire is about as bad as one built on the sand.

I hope that helps. In the end, Christ can heal anything, but there are some scars that never reverse and you live with the consequences forever. Before the problem starts, you have to ask is Christ most important in this relationship? If He isn’t, then something else will be and it may take half a lifetime and many hours of counseling to unravel that and reset your foundation.