It was this year when everything started to fall apart and my mental health started to deteriorate. I was deep into sin and addiction that it basically led me astray from the loving presence of God making me mentally unstable and depressed. Ever since I was little- around the age of 12- I had extreme OCD and anxiety which caused me to live and attempt to adopt a carefree lifestyle where I followed my own will rather than the will of God. For years it actually worked for a while, but I was eventually led to my downfall. Just this year, during my senior year of High School I fell further into the black hole of sin which caused me to become suicidal and have suicidal thoughts for about 2 months. During these two months, I tried to fix my depression on my own and just fell even further in my crippling mental illness. This was one of the most terrifying days of my life because I wanted to pain I was experiencing, but by the grace of God, I had the courage to bring up my situation to my mother and through this action alone, my life changed in an instant. When I brought up my situation to my mother she was devastated and truly hurt when she heard what I was going through and by talking to her face to face my mom and I decided to make it our duty to read the Bible every single day for at least 30 minutes and try to live our lives to the fullest regardless of how we feel, and soon I received salvation. Now, the day after I made the promise with my mom, it just felt like another depressing day, but I was determined to make my life better for the sake of my family and that’s when I decided to watch a sermon about depression, shame, and guilt which I was going through at the time. Through this sermon, the work of Jesus’s sacrifice truly became apparent to me and I soon broke down crying and finally decided to repent and give my life to my King, my Savior, and as soon as I did, I heard a voice in my head saying “You have been forgiven, I have given you another chance. Turn away and never do it again.” and immediately I felt a peace like never before and I in a matter of a week, my mental illness was gone and I finally received the gift of tongues.
Fast forward to today: I have taken on the work of apologetics and my very purpose for existing is to serve God and love Him only. I love God so much, I truly wish to be with him, I yearn for him, and I made the greatest decision of my life- my only regret is I wish I knew him sooner.