Support RZIM Connect

Physical attraction from God?

How do you tell the difference between Godly-given physical attraction and fleshly attraction? And should you just not date/pursue someone you find physically attractive?

I am currently in high school and I’ve struggled with this question for a while. I’ve heard it been said that sex drive and physical attraction is a God-given gift to us, but I tend do be somewhat skeptical about it. To me, it becomes difficult to delineate between the two, which makes me question if I should even look to pursue someone I find physically attractive, even if the physical is just a smaller component. Presuming that there is more to it than the physical, the person is God-fearing, has an attractive character, a compatible belief set, etc. does physical attraction itself insert issues problems into a potential relationship?


I’m not expert, but I believe the Bible has the answer, when extrapolated, we find that there’s no marriage in Heaven, it’s better to marry than to burn (referring to desires I understand), I think that points out our weakness and our sinful inheritance, but God in his great mercy has made it worked out for man, and beautifully as we see it in the family unit. What then? vanity and lust is within man, perfection is not of him, therefore he is to seek righteousness first, but not from within himself, since righteousness is only in God’s Word, he must dwelt there first for guidance. The struggle is real, but it must not be put aside, for this would be surrendering to the world, instead couple it with faith… and something of practicality: do not be un-equally yoked, beauty is an attraction factor, but just like icing on the cake, only on the surface, other criterion filters must be in place, probe for beliefs, if you want to do right, your allegiance is to Christ, therefore make sure her beliefs (even if immature, which is expected at a young age), are not offending to Christ. Begin the race with equal footing to serve the Lord, grow together.


Hi! @vjonathan1

I think this is a question that every young person goes through, specially if you were raised in a christian environment like myself. I would like to mention the three types of love that God mentions in the Bible and then I will try to give you the best answer that I can. They will be listed in the Greek translation :slight_smile:

  1. Agape: This is the love of God, each time the Bible refers to the love of God, it uses the word Agape. Specifically this kind of love is the most pure love that someone can imagen and is an unlimited love because it comes from God to us because he loved us first. (1 John 4:19)

  2. Philos: This is the love for our friends. This love does not imply sexual attraction, its kind of a “I like you love”. Can you think of people you like to go with to watch a move? Play sports? Eat some pizza? This is love for our friends, its about caring for someone.

  3. Eros: Now, this is the sexual love. In the Bible this love should only be saved for our husband or wife. The new testament teaches that all sexual relationships outside of marriage are sin. This is because wants us to enjoy this type of love with the person that will be our husband or wife.

This been said, I would like to go back to your questions. When we are single, God wants us to guard our purity. In Mathew 5:28 he says that if you look a woman with lust you are already committing adultery! That sets really high standards to our lives!

To Have physical and sexual attraction to another person is not bad, God created us in this way. What it is bad is going outside Gods standards and trespassing that barrier when you are not still married. Eros love is not intended to be used while dating. Philos love and Agape love is for that. While dating you have to see the other person as a sister in Jesus and treat her like that. But, it is obvious that if you like her there is some physically attraction to her, don’t you think? Our duty as sons of God is to respect this women and to take care of her as our sister. If you are thinking in a potential relationship, you should pray to God and ask yourself is she could be your wife some day? If the answer is no, then why continue? If your answer is yes. You can continue to know her, invite her to dinner, go out on a date. But always in a respectful a pure way. Remember that Eros is a love saved for our marriage, I think that’s the standard.

Sorry for the long answer but I hope it helps :slight_smile:

God Bless!

1 Like

Hi Jonathan,

I would ask you to ponder Matthew 5:28: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

The difference between righteously noticing (and honoring) a woman’s “wow-factor” and unrighteously feeding off of her beauty has to do with the word "to" in Matthew 5:28.

It’s a small word that makes a big difference in the meaning.

Women are designed to be beautiful. And men have a moral duty to be gentlemen, to be in control of themselves and not to set a hungry gaze and attention upon her beauty.

the difference between noticing her as beautiful and lusting after her has to do with intent (as the word “to” implies). It’s likely that a second look to catch a glimpse of a beautiful woman after initially noticing her is often that intentional look “to lust” upon her.

Women are part of life. And there’s a God-given tension that comes with godly restraint just like there’s a certain amount of God-given stress that comes with walking in Godly faith. It’s not always something to escape except when avoiding seduction (Prov 5:3-23). It’s something to honor with knowledge, carefulness, decency, the right amount of concern and proper restraint.

If you step into being a virtuous and honorable man you will have to learn restraint in many areas of life. It’s not something you can altogether escape.

But these are things you must weigh and consider and decide for yourself.

Will you purge your life from the issues of life which call for godly restraint? or will you embrace restraint as part of an ongoing education of how a man is called to mature? It’s your decision to consider moving forward. :footprints: