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Please, any helpful words would be appreciated. Anxiety, salvation

Hello everyone,

Apologies in advance that this is so long. I’m going through something very intense and I couldn’t just sum it up with just a few sentences. Even this long post doesn’t say everything I really feel like I need to say and ask. Maybe no one will be able to help but at least I wanted to give it a try.

I am writing this post out of desperation to see if there could be any word of comfort that could help me snap out of this. You see, around the time the corona virus shut everything down in my area, I started to experience an increase in anxiety. I’m sure I’m far from alone in that. The problem is, though, that my anxiety has escalated to absolutely unbearable levels. Every time I think it’s getting better, it suddenly gets worse again and I seem to hit a new low. At first I could be mostly myself for most of the day, with only a few hours in the evening of anxiety, but now I am tormented day and night. I do have a history of anxiety and depression, but the last year or more has been very happy for me. I was in a good place. I got married in April of 2019 and have spent a wonderful first year with my husband. We even traveled to Chile in February and had a second wonderful wedding with his family there. When we came back at the beginning of March, everything slammed shut and that marked the beginning of my downward spiral. Along with the corona situation, there is also a biochemical reason that we believe is at the root of this problem. It’s connected to a medication I was taking that I no longer am taking. Now I am working on treatment for that problem but honestly, I don’t feel like I’m every going to be ok ever again.

Most of the time I’m not thinking about the virus now. It started with panic attacks specifically about that. I still get anxiety about it sometimes, but mostly I just stay at home and I believe my risk of it is very low. At least I hope so. In any case, my fears graduated from that to all kinds of other fears about things going wrong with my body. Then I started to think a lot about death, wondering if I was going to die soon and thinking that even if it’s not soon, I don’t ever want to die and why does that have to happen, etc, etc. Then the worst thing happened. I started to be afraid that maybe I was not even going to go to heaven. I am a believer that Jesus Christ died and rose again, and that he died for my sin in order to give me eternal life. Still, I started getting all these fears that maybe there is something wrong. The idea of hell terrifies me. Even when I feel more or less reassured that I am saved and going to heaven, I feel an intense sense of panic that other people that I love might be going there. I have been spending a lot of time praying for them and I’m trying to leave it in God’s hands but it is so hard. I want to be a witness for Christ and hopefully He will use me to bring people to know Him, but first I really need to recover from this horrifying place I’m in.

Last night I woke up in an absolute panic, thinking I was in hell. I don’t know if I was dreaming or if it was just a panic attack that woke me up, but I was just shaking for a very long time after that and didn’t want to go back to sleep. I have all these thoughts that I know are irrational but feel very real to me, like “what if that means that’s where I’m going?”

I recently read the book Eternal Security by Charles Stanley. I found it very helpful and was feeling a lot better until I got to the chapter about the unpardonable sin. The funny thing is, that is where my whole salvation fears started several weeks ago. One day I had this thought that maybe I had committed this sin and that I was condemned and there was not a thing I or anyone else could do about it. I read some webpages about that sin and after a lot of convincing and thinking, I came to the tentative conclusion that I had not committed it, but I still kept struggling with my fears. As I said, I felt much better after I had read the first few chapters of Eternal Security, so when I came to the chapter about the unpardonable sin, I wasn’t too worried, especially since I thought I had dealt with that. But then as I got toward the end of the chapter, this thought came into my mind. It was not even a complete thought and definitely not something I thought on purpose, maybe it wasn’t even me who thought it. In any case, the thought included a swear word and the Holy Spirit and I started to be terrified that the unpardonable sin was not actually what I had come to learn it was (a complete and utter rejection of salvation through Christ alone), but maybe it was profanity against the Holy Spirit. I read those verses in the Bible and I understand from the context why the meaning must be what I have been reading about, but I can’t overcome this idea of what I think “blasphemy” is. And I’m so scared that I could have committed that sin unintentionally.

It’s interesting because I found this article where the person asking the question had a very similar experience to what I had:

https://christiananswers.net/q-eden/unpardonablesin.html

The article helped somewhat, but I am still struggling with it. I think that’s probably why I woke up in that panic, last night.

I really want to resolve this and come back to a place where I feel secure in my salvation. I mean, I have always had the tendency to worry a bit about it once in a while, but not like this.

I try to take comfort in all the verses in the Bible that tell you that you are saved by faith in Christ alone, but as I read the Bible for comfort, I often also come across verses that I don’t know how to interpret and I’m scared that they mean that I shouldn’t feel so secure in my salvation. It seems like a huge contradiction. The unpardonable sin is one of them and there are more. In fact, I posted another topic on Connect, last night, because of one of them. If you are interested, it’s called “Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness”.

I am also haunted by things that happened way back in my past, even when I was a kid. For example, I was sick with a flu or something once, and I had this hallucination or something where the bed was shaking and I was seeing all these scary faces all around me. It kept happening. Was that a hallucination or something spiritual? I get scared that all these things might mean something terrible about my eternal destiny.

Reading Romans 8:31-38 helps a bit sometimes, but I am struggling a lot. Today, again, going to the Bible for comfort, I ended up reading this:

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 18

Then I had this thought: does that mean that my fear itself could jeopardize my salvation? The part of me that is still capable of some rational thought doesn’t really think that, but these are the kinds of things I’m struggling with right now.

I’m sorry this is so long. I really appreciate it that you’ve read all the way to the end. Likely it is a lot to swallow and you really don’t know what to say. Still, thank you for caring.

Annette

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May God patiently assist you as you patiently wait on him and his timing.

Personally, I’ve seen fear to be multiplied by panic, but stability and peace to be supported by patience and endurance.

In the mean time (while waiting for God’s guidance and care) why not prepare your expectations to continue along the lines of patience and peace? Possibly get some rest or consider putting on some soothing music.

When you get the chance to interact with the people in your life you love, don’t loose the chance to truly connect with them and to serve them. Nobody loves perfectly. But give it your best and take life one step at a time.

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Hi Annette,

I’m sorry to hear of your struggles; I’ve been through anxiety and depression as well in the past. Panic attacks are not nice. Hallucinations are also quite serious should be discussed with a qualified Christian councillor/psychologist/psychiatrist and not ignored. Physical illness can effect also our mental well-being.

It sounds like you have rightly come to the conclusion that Covid-19 is completely outside of all of our control: and we need to surrender to God’s sovereignty of the overall situation, and yet do what we can do in our little corner of the world to help each other out. Sometimes in our own personal struggles and illness we have nothing to give to others; and that’s ok. We can just rest and wait on the Lord and he will give us strength.

I’ve not read Charles Stanley’s book ‘Eternal Security’ so I don’t know what his conclusions were in regards to the unpardonable sin.

You might find this article helpful and simple. It is my understanding that it’s not possible to commit the unpardonable sin today; and it’s quite obvious from the passages that the Pharisees where not unintentionally committing this sin.

The blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, specific as it was to the Pharisees’ situation, cannot be duplicated today. Jesus Christ is not on earth, and no one can personally see Jesus perform a miracle and then attribute that power to Satan instead of the Spirit.

I’m glad you shared this passage; Romans 8:31-38 is some of my favourite verses also; specially the words ‘nor height, nor depth’; being also the heights or depths of depression or mental illness.

Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present, nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

This list is exhaustive and says that there is nothing whatsoever in all creation that can separate us from God’s love through Christ; and especially not our own illness, physical or otherwise.

Some things that have helped me in the past and I’m sure you are working through with your counsellor/health worker.

  • draw up a page into two columns; write down your fears and feelings in a list on the left; and then on the right hand side of the page; write facts to counteract these feelings and give balance. Doing this with a trusted person/spouse/counsellor to get an correct view of problems from the perspective outside your own depression and anxiety with give the facts required to think clearly about things that bother us
  • the other thing that helps is to write up a list of things you are thankful for, and leave nothing out. Being thankful to God for all his blessings, especially the ones we take for granted can help. Perhaps we can give thanks to God for designing the world with colour, and the beauty of scenery that we enjoy. Perhaps we can give thanks for God’s design for taste; whereby we can enjoy food with people we love and care for us.

John MacArthurs book ‘Anxious for Nothing’ (https://www.amazon.com.au/Anxious-Nothing-Gods-Cure-Cares/dp/1434702979) has helped me personally over the years.

Just in reference your question to 1 John 4:18.
No our own fear does not jeopardise our salvation; because our salvation is of God; My understanding of ‘perfect love drives our fear’ is talking about God’s perfect love towards us that helps to remove fear from our own minds.

Consider the promise in John 10:28-30; Eternal life is by definition eternal, and cannot be lost. I love the image of being safely in the hands of both Jesus, the Son, as well as God the Father’s hands, safely kept for both time (in this life), and eternity (in the life to come).

28 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.
29 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand.
30 I and my Father are one.

I hope that this is a little encouraging; and that others will also reply and share some encouragement;
In Christ’s love
Matt

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Annette, I’m praying for you. I didn’t know how to respond when I first read your question because you already have so many of the right answers. I mean that as a sincere compliment. You have a deep knowledge of Scripture, and your heart for seeking God is precious.

I completely agree that you’re dealing with something biochemical. As Matt mentioned, getting help from a qualified Christian counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist is crucial.

I did think of two verses that I would like to share with you. I love Psalm 56:3.

When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.

David was surrounded by his enemies when he wrote Psalm 56. This verse shows us how David chose to depend on God in the middle of his fear. His fear wasn’t a sin. Your fear isn’t a sin. Your choice to reach out to God in your fear is a beautiful act of faith that blesses God’s heart.

I also love Mark 9:24. A father brought his demon-possessed son to Jesus to be healed. Jesus told him, “All things are possible for the one who believes.”

Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”

With a biochemical imbalance, there will be days when you feel like you aren’t trusting. God doesn’t expect you to drum up feelings of trust. Just cry out to Him and ask Him to help you when you can’t trust. He will be honored by your prayer and will carry you through.

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Annette, my heart goes out to you. I have added you to my prayer list.

You have gotten some great counsel above. You have plenty of information to chew, so I will not add too much. I just have a few ideas that I have applied in my own life:

  • Focus on what you know about Jesus.
  • Do not focus on what you do not know.
  • Remember that fear is a liar.
  • Memorize a Psalm.
  • Stay connected with people.
  • Stay connected with a professional counselor or psychiatrist.

There is no shame in feeling what you feel. You are not lost. I am praying for you.

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I know all too well the power of anxiety and depression. If the anxiety you are experiencing is caused by a chemical imbalance then please continue the dialogue with your doctor. Or try another doctor because they are human like all of us and sometimes it takes visiting a few of them to find the right one. For those times when the anxiety ramps up, or when the depression begins to take you into a downward spiral, try these three things: 1) Sing. Find a worship song that you really connect with and turn it on. Crank it up if you need to. Put on your headphones and soak in the message, the melody, and the worship. You will find peace and strength here. 2) Pray. Take a deep breath (or maybe five or ten) then find a quiet space to close your eyes and pray. Pray with earnest like what you read in the Psalms. Pray for peace and strength. God will calm you. 3) Read the Gospels daily. Read them over and over. Pay attention to how Jesus responds to, and loves, those who are hurting or lost. Read about Jesus’ interaction with the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4, as an example. Listen to the love in his message to her. Jesus is where you take comfort. He turned the world upside down with his message. Jesus is with you and nothing you do will detract from the love he has for you. Take peace in that truth. Draw strength in that truth. May God bless you with the peace, strength, and wisdom you are seeking.

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Hi Annette (@mysterycheez). Thank you so much for reaching out and posting this concern. I have just prayed for you and will continue doing so. Anxiety and depression are so hard to deal with. I am sorry to hear that you have been experiencing such extreme anxiety for so long. I myself have struggled with depression and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Finding the right Christian counsellor helped me tremendously. Have you access to a Christian counsellor? I know that when you are in the midst of anxiety, the mere thought of reaching out can be overwhelming. Also, I am wondering about whether you have a supportive local church community or if you are part of a small group within the church. I found both to be helpful as well.

As to your question about the unpardonable sin, it sounds like you have researched more about it than I have. It is something which I have wondered about from time to time as well. It always left me with an unsettled feeling, similar to you, about whether I had committed it by mistake. Recently I either read, listened to or watched something in which this topic was discussed. I wish I could recall the clip or excerpt so that I could link it here. I will see if I can find it. It really helped me to understand the concept of this sin better. The gist of what I recall is that if you are wondering whether you have committed this sin unintentionally, you have not committed it. In speaking of sinning against the Holy Spirit, Jesus was addressing the pharisees who knew the truth and were deliberately choosing to reject it. Also mentioned was the fact that to blaspheme the Holy Spirit was not a one time thing, but an ongoing choice.

As to your concerns about a spiritual battle as opposed to hallucinations, this is another area in which consulting a Christian counsellor would be helpful. I personally had struggled with some demonic interference early in my life and my counsellor helped me to be aware of the reality of negative spiritual forces (in my Christian upbringing, the spiritual element was never discussed). She also made it clear that I do just fine at distancing myself from God in my natural capacity to sin so I should not always jump to the conclusion that everything was due to the enemy’s interference. She taught me how to rebuke the enemy (out loud), if If felt that the enemy was, indeed, interfering. Walking through these concerns together with a godly trained counsellor is necessary so that you can develop a trusting relationship in which God is the head. He is the ultimate healer of all things mental health but He uses trained individuals to help us through the process - like doctors for physical ailments.

I will continue to pray for you Annette, that you will be able to experience the peaceful presence of our Lord and Saviour right now in the midst of your anxiety. I will also be praying for healing.

May God bless you sister.

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Hi, Annette,

I wish I could help you more, but maybe I can tell you some things that will help.

#1: There is no such thing as an unpardonable sin. All sins are covered by Jesus Christ when you repent and ask for forgiveness. There is a lot of scripture that tells us this.

#2: Pray for peace. I’m sure you already are, but maybe you’ve forgotten. I had a time recently when I was having really bad anxiety and the only thing that I could do was pray, and if I focused on God and not myself, the fear went away or got better. Whenever you have an anxiety attack, pray like crazy and try not to focus on your feelings of fear.

#3: The 1 John verse you shared doesn’t mean that if you fear your salvation will be lost. Like you said, your anxiety may be a result of some biochemical problem. If that’s the case it’s something that’s wrong with your body, and not you. In any case, having fear doesn’t mean you’ve lost your salvation.

Would you mind telling me what triggers your fear? Is it a specific or feeling or is it just random?

I’d also encourage you to, if you haven’t already, find a wiser, older woman to confide in and ask her to help you.

God bless you,
-Tirzah

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Hello, Annette -
My heart goes out to your this morning as I lift you up in prayer. :pensive: It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of terror both emotionally and bodily, though it’s not really making head-sense as to why you’re experiencing it. Perhaps there is a biochemical imbalance…the meds you were on could have been messing with your body…obviously we won’t be able to speak to that, but I do encourage you, along with the others, to continue to be in touch with the relevant medical professionals…which it sounds like you are doing. :slight_smile:

I just wanted to send along a couple of reflection questions for you. That is, you don’t have to answer them here, but I would encourage you to give yourself some space to sit with God. Maybe some things to think about would be:

  • What is your experience of God? That is, what is He like? What does God think of you?

It sounds like your fear is telling you that God is arbitrary, tyrannical and unjust, and that He wouldn’t bat an eye at sending you to eternal hell and terror for no reason. I was just reading Henri Nouwen this morning – if you haven’t read him, you may want to check him out! He went through and wrote about his experiences of some very dark and anxious times! – and he wrote this:

God says to you, ‘I love you, I am with you, I want to see you come closer to me and experience the joy and peace of my presence. I want to give you a new heart and a new spirit…All that is mine is yours. Just trust me and let me be your God.’ [‘Keep Choosing God’ in The Inner Voice of Love]

  • Dreams are incredibly symbolic, and could also include flashbacks. Have you ever recorded them…esp. your nightmares? It seems you had a recurring one as a child; do you still have it? What about happy dreams? What’s going on in those?

If you begin to take note of details of your dreams, you may be able to find some common themes and patterns that may help you unlock some of your more core fears/terrors. It would seem more likely to me that your dreams of hell reflect a present state of being rather than a future one. That is, the dreams that induce panic (or the panic that induces the dreams?) give you a picture of what is happening at present and play on your fear that the terror will never end.

  • What does God tell you about your future? Does He tell you you are safe?

Illness – esp. high fever – can induce hallucinations or other psychosis. You say that recurring nightmare goes back to childhood? It could very well be a memory. Do you have someone you could ask who could tell you about that experience?

Trauma, no matter how ‘small’, can have a profound impact on our lives. Others have recommended speaking with an experienced psychotherapist (literally, ‘soul healer’), and I would encourage you that way as well. The thought of talking these things through could be a terrifying prospect in itself, but the hope would be that you could also know freedom.

It sounds like you are trying very hard to not let these terrors suffocate you! I pray that you may know the peace of Christ as you go to Him and face the terrors that lurk. :pray:

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Hi Tim,

Thank you for your kind words and support. Certainly I’m looking to God at this time, more than ever in my life.

God bless,

Annette

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Hi Matt,

Thank you so much for your elaborate and thoughtful response.

I should clarify that the hallucination happened when I was a kid, so decades ago. I’ve never had another one since. I was sick and I think I had a fever. I think that’s why it happened. Nevertheless, I have started thinking about it again, just because of what I’ve been going through. Likely it’s not something to worry about now but I’ve been worrying about a lot of things. Certainly I wouldn’t mind talking about it with a Christian councilor, though.

I’m impressed! You found an article on the unpardonable sin that I hadn’t found yet! I thought I had read them all. Haha. Yes, that is helpful. They are all helpful and come to more or less the same conclusion. I am working on getting it through my head that it is not something I should be concerned about because it was directed at the Pharisees, who had a very different attitude to mine. They were attributing Jesus’ miracles to the devil. In Mark it specifically says that Jesus said it to them because they said that He had an unclean spirit. So having a thought come into my head is not the same thing, especially since I wasn’t trying to think it. My mom has been reading a book to me called something like “Can Christianity Cure OCD” and it has some interesting biographical information about some key Christian figures, like Martin Luther and John Bunyan. Both of them struggled with a fear of loss of salvation and had a lot of unwanted intrusive thoughts. In any case, it’s interesting to know that I’m in good company.

Thank you again so much for all the many resources and pieces of advice you’ve given me. I have already looked at some of them. I really appreciate the time you’ve taken to give me encouragement. The Bible passages you gave me are really good. It is definitely something I keep trying to remind myself that God has me in His hand because I accepted Jesus’ sacrifice for my sins many years ago, and nothing can take that away from me. Not even my own fears. It would sure help if these fears went away, though, because they feel oh so real.

Thanks again so much.

God bless you,

Annette

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Hi Jennifer,

Thank you for your kind words. Honestly, I don’t think I’m very knowledgable about scripture. It’s just that I have been searching for a lot of answers lately and have found specific passages to be helpful. But thank you all the same.

I was resisting the idea of therapy because I have had bad experiences in the past, especially with someone who was supposed to be a Christian counselor. Still, I am starting to think it might be a good idea.

Thank you so much for the two verses. I too like the “I believe; help my unbelief” prayer. I had been praying that before I got into this terrible place. I used to struggle more with worries that maybe my beliefs (aka Christianity) weren’t true, and so I would ask God to help me with that. Now I believe wholeheartedly that it’s true but I have a whole different problem! Anyway, I keep praying that God will help me with this one, too.

Thank you again so much for your encouragement and help.

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Hi Brendan,

Thank you so much for your kind words, reassurance and advice. I really appreciate your prayers, too.

God bless you.

Annette

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Hi Jeff,

Thank you so much for sharing with me about what has helped you. Certainly Jesus is a comfort to me, as well. I too love to read about the interaction He had with the Samaritan woman at the well. I am trying so hard to feel His love for me.

Thank you and God bless,

Annette

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Hi Tizrah,

Thanks so much for your kind response. Certainly I am praying a lot and I’m trying to trust God. It’s just so hard.

You asked what triggers my fear. Really it’s just there all the time. As I said, I believe it’s a brain imbalance and I’m waiting for it to resolve, but for the moment, rational thought is all but impossible. Well, let’s just say I can think rationally, but my feelings don’t respond. It’s really hard. But anyway to answer your question, the biggest trigger is just things that I think of. Like, if I suddenly without wanting to think of Hell, I start to freak out. Even if I am feeling ok with my own salvation, I panic and am filled with absolute dread at the thought of anyone going there. I think that is a good thing to an extent, because leads to motivation to tell people about the gospel, but the level of my fear right now is incapacitating and I can’t be effective for God at all this way. Another trigger besides my own thoughts is just reading anything in the Bible or otherwise that mentions Hell or condemnation. I never used to have this intense of a reaction before. People say to read the Bible, and I was reading it for comfort, but every time I’d read it I’d find something scary that started my fears up again.

Anyway, yes, I think I have to find someone to talk to. For now I’ve just been talking to my mom. I’m also becoming more open to the idea of a Christian counsellor.

God bless you,

Annette

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Hi Kathleen,

Thank you so much for your thorough and kind post. Also your prayers are invaluable to me, thank you.

I love the quote you shared with me from Henri Nouwen. I think I really need to learn about God’s love. I want to feel God’s love so badly. Every time I see something about God’s love I start to cry because I want it so badly and yet I have this terrible fearful feeling that I’ve done something wrong and I’ll never have it. I want to get that idea out of my head but I don’t know how. I hope that my brain chemistry will normalize and I’ll be able to think better again and that my feelings will line up better with reality.

I did have some strange things as far as dreams or hallucinations go when I was a child, but it was decades ago. I don’t know that I really should have mentioned it except that I have been thinking about it and worrying about it. Until recently, I hadn’t thought about those things too much for a long time. I don’t have any recurring dreams now. I do have nightmares sometimes, but not recurring ones. The other night I think I just woke up with a panic attack. I don’t remember a dream. I was disoriented because I was sleeping at my parents’ house and just panicking in general. I think it just comes from being so scared all day that it carries over into the night. Generally, I read Christian books late into the night until finally I think I will sleep, and then when I do go to sleep, I keep waking up again in a panic. I have always had sleep problems but now I have this panic along with it.

Thank you for what you said about a high fever possibly causing a hallucination. That is what I think it was, but it reminded me of this storybook my parents had when I was a kid where this Emperor was dying of some kind of illness and he saw evil faces around him, and somehow that made it even scarier.

Thank you again for all your support and advice. It sure is appreciated.

God bless you,

Annette

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Hi Tara,

Thank yo so much for your kind reply and for your prayers. I am so thankful for any prayers that I can get.

So far I have not talked to a counsellor, Christian or otherwise. I think I might want to talk to a Christian counsellor, though. I had a really bad experience with one years ago and have never felt that counseling helped me, but with the kinds of concerns and feelings I’m having, I think I might need that.

It has been a while since I have been involved in a church. I struggle with chronic illness and that is one reason why I got out of the habit of going. Now, I would like to prioritize it and start going but because of Covid-19, I can’t. Someday I hope to get involved in a church community again.

Yes, it’s my understanding that you can’t commit the unpardonable sin by mistake. Some people believe that it was even something specific to that moment, when Jesus was physically on Earth performing miracles, and that it’s not possible to commit it today. They say that the only thing that can keep a person from being forgiven now is rejecting the gift of salvation until death. I have been reading in the Bible about how the Pharisees even up until that point had been out to get Jesus. They were never open to His message. Then they went so far as to attribute His miracles to demonic powers. That is when Jesus said what He did about blaspheming the Holy Spirit. In Mark it specifically says that He said it because of their accusation. It makes so much sense and is so clear to me, and yet I can’t stop being scared that some thoughts I had might have condemned me! They weren’t even intentional thoughts! Why would God sacrifice His Son and then add a clause like that in that could condemn us? I know He wouldn’t, and yet I’m struggling. I only hope I will be able to come out of this and feel secure in my salvation again.

I am not sure if I had demonic forces in my life when I was a kid. I honestly hope not. I only had the one incident with that hallucination, and I was sick. There was at least one other time when I remember being up standing on my bed and punching at something I saw coming toward me. I ran out into the hallway and my parents came, and then it was gone. I don’t know if it was real or not. Again, that was when I was a little kid. Thankfully, this is not anything I’ve experienced in decades. It’s just that because of the fears I’m having now, the memories of those things haunt me.

Thank you so much again for your prayers. You have no idea how happy I am that people are praying for me, even if they have never met me.

God bless you,

Annette

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Dear Annette,

Reading your post reminded me of a Christian doctor who went through almost the exact same situation that you are describing yourself to be going through. She suffered from severe depression and anxiety panic attacks and even almost a complete nurvous breakdown. She had all the right answers in her mind and could talk others through their own problems, but she could not snap out of it herself. It got to the point of contemplating suicide.

Through her journey, the Lord showed her the she has run herself to where exhaustion, multiple huge changes had occurred in her life and she had not been able to rest from any of them. This put her on the rocks, but it was while she was in this situation that’s god did a transformational work in her life.

Because of her experience in the medical field and then her own personal experience, she wrote a book called Refresh, specifically to help women like you who are experiencing exactly what you are going through right now. It is not a medical advice book, though it does have some medical perspectives throughout the book.

I would highly encourage you to get ahold of the book and read through it. I really believe it would help you and give you some practical advice and informative direction for your situation.

The book is called “ReFresh; Embracing a grace-paced life in a world of endless demands.” written by Shona and David Murray (husband and wife team who actually both went through similar situations for similar reasons). Look it up and read the book description, I believe it may be a huge help. I have attached the link below.

https://www.amazon.com/Refresh-Embracing-Grace-Paced-Endless-Demands/dp/1433555220

Thoughts and Prayers,
Anna Linzey

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Hi Anna,

Thank you so much for the recommendation and also for describing a bit about what she went through. I wouldn’t have gotten that from the description on Amazon. It sounds really interesting and I plan to check it out.

Thanks again and God bless!

Annette

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Annette, I am so sorry you are going through this! I also, a normally very level headed and happy person, started having panic attacks out of the blue. It was so strange and horrible and completely irrational. I began getting a bit better through much prayer to God, but the thing that helped me the most was asking my lady relatives (sisters and mother) to pray for me. I told them about my struggles and they started praying and what a weight was lifted! Not 100% all the time but for the most part I felt so much better! All that to say, you have a good thing going here with so many people willing to stand with you and pray for you. I know it is so hard for you. I will also pray for you to be delivered from your torment. God bless you sister. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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