Please, any helpful words would be appreciated. Anxiety, salvation

Hi Holly,

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I’m so glad so many people care and understand. I think maybe my fear might seem strange to some people. In fact, I think months ago it might have seemed strange to me, as well. In any case, here I am, struggling with this.

Today has been a very good day, though. I think that slowly I might be coming out of this. Most of the time, I go round and round in my head, worrying that thoughts I’ve had might have been the unforgivable sin and compulsively reading about that topic to try to reassure myself that I haven’t committed it. Then the more I try to reassure myself, the more scared and obsessed I feel. It’s OCD and it’s a horrible trap. But it helps a lot when I can really concentrate on the fact that God knows I have those thoughts simply because I’m so afraid of them and because I’m afraid of the unforgivable sin, not because I actually believe the thoughts or want them. OCD latches onto what’s most important to you and expresses itself as your opposite. There are women who battle thoughts of hurting their babies when they would never ever want to do such a thing. It’s only that the thoughts repulse and scare them so much that they keep thinking them. So, I know that God also knows that those OCD thoughts are the opposite of me. And of course that’s not the unforgivable sin, anyway, though at my worst times it’s soooo hard to convince my OCD brain to believe that.

Thank you so much for emphasizing God’s love to me. I want God’s love so much and want to imagine Him folding me to His heart. I want to know that if I have no one else in the world, I still have God. I want to stop fearing something I don’t need to fear. Yes, I also comfort myself with the truth in the Bible that I wouldn’t be capable of thinking about God or caring about salvation without the Spirit drawing me.

Again, thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement.

Annette

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@mysterycheez A preacher once advised me that for every time I looked at myself and my failures, I should turn nine times to look at Christ. The reality is our only strength is in His life, not ours. We are all broken. Galatians 2:20 says it all. Until we receive our glorious bodies, we will experience difficulties, but we have a God who promised to keep us from falling until that day. Be encouraged my sister. He is holding you and keeping you even when you don’t feel it. I rememder a time in my life when I would say Galatians 2:20 out loud over and over again until one day it sank in. Christ is our life.

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Thank you so much for your encouragement, Amal. You are quite correct. I keep reminding myself of what Jesus did for me and that it’s all about Him. It’s really hard, though. I keep having to try to remember that God knows my real heart and desire and that is what He is looking at, not unwanted words in my head.

To everyone who is still reading this thread and praying for me, I just wanted to let you know that I have had a very bad setback since yesterday and can definitely use your prayers.

Thank you so much for all your kind support. May God bless you and richly reward you for caring for and loving someone you’ve never even met.

Annette

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@mysterycheez Annette, when one member of the body hurts, the whole body feels the pain. I am praying for you right now. God is near to the brokenhearted. May He give you the deliverance you are seeking.

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Thank you so much. :heart:

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I just wanted to let everyone know that today seems to be a much better day, so far. Thank you so much for your prayers!

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