“Search me, God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts…see if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting…”
How would I know there is no “offensive way in me” with knowing God searches me and knows my heart? I have made some not exactly ‘wise’ choices in the eyes of my Christian friends, like divorcing my husband for his abject neglect of me for many years.
I have sincerely repented for having broken my marriage vows but do not feel the need for a one day remarriage to my Christian ex-husband as per one of the options opened to me referenced in the Bible ( we are on amicable terms, sometimes I pray for him ). I have other male friendships but remain chaste and honorable. I feel sincerely now that I was not really the marrying kind.
I have poured out my heart through the Bible prior to my divorce. I understood that I have the option of remarrying my spouse one day or remaining single all my life while he is alive. I chose not to remarry.
I am now a more independent individual, emphatic towards others facing the dilemma of pending divorce, am proactive a person and closer to my Lord than ever, a gentler kinder person, I have even seen quite a number of answers to my love-driven intercession for others.
I hate to have to say this, but I am now even a better human being, to myself ( I have started a new independent career and love my work that is charity-biased), toward to my ex and others, than when I was married.
I feel quite overwhelmed by the grace and mercy of my LORD. When I think about all these, I feel quite undeserving. But why the doubt I ocassionally feel over what I have done the first instance - that divorce?
Cross-pollinating our thots.