Psalm 139:23

Psalm 139:23
“Search me, God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts…see if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting…”

How would I know there is no “offensive way in me” with knowing God searches me and knows my heart? I have made some not exactly ‘wise’ choices in the eyes of my Christian friends, like divorcing my husband for his abject neglect of me for many years.

I have sincerely repented for having broken my marriage vows but do not feel the need for a one day remarriage to my Christian ex-husband as per one of the options opened to me referenced in the Bible ( we are on amicable terms, sometimes I pray for him ). I have other male friendships but remain chaste and honorable. I feel sincerely now that I was not really the marrying kind.

I have poured out my heart through the Bible prior to my divorce. I understood that I have the option of remarrying my spouse one day or remaining single all my life while he is alive. I chose not to remarry.

I am now a more independent individual, emphatic towards others facing the dilemma of pending divorce, am proactive a person and closer to my Lord than ever, a gentler kinder person, I have even seen quite a number of answers to my love-driven intercession for others.

I hate to have to say this, but I am now even a better human being, to myself ( I have started a new independent career and love my work that is charity-biased), toward to my ex and others, than when I was married.

I feel quite overwhelmed by the grace and mercy of my LORD. When I think about all these, I feel quite undeserving. But why the doubt I ocassionally feel over what I have done the first instance - that divorce?

Cross-pollinating our thots.
Very appreciative.

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Thank you @mutts for sharing with such vulnerability about this question. I am so very sorry that you have experienced the pain of divorce.

As for your question:

I know that as a believer you are seen as perfect through the lens of Jesus. Through repentance you are forgiven (as am I). We have the benefit over King David who wrote this Psalm that our sins are covered by the blood of Christ. You may be interested in thd NET version of vv 23-24 of Ps 139:
“Examine me, and probe my thoughts! Test me, and know my concerns! See if there is any idolatrous tendency in me, and lead me in the reliable ancient path!”
Psalms 139:23‭-‬24 NET
In reality we are, each of us, “offending” our Holy God every single day. We have absolutely no hope of presenting to Him a clean heart without the work of our Saviour on the cross.

With respect to your other question:

I think that we have all made choices during our Christian walks that we either wonder about or regret. Only you and God know all of the details with respect to your decision to divorce your husband (and I do believe there are Godly reasons for divorce). I know that His heart cried with you as you struggled through your failing marriage. I am glad that you have experienced healing and growth in your walk with Christ since that time.

Other thoughts which come to mind in reading your post includes the context of Jesus’ teachings. When speaking about divorce, He was addressing men in a culture where women did not possess equal rights within marriage. Men could divorce their wives for any reason under the sun. Tim Mackie in his sermon: Jesus, marriage and sex, talks about 2 views on behaviours that break the marriage covenant: 1) only adultery (Matt 19:9) and 2) adultery (Matt 19:9), abuse, neglect (exodus 21:10-11) and abandonment (1Cor. 7:15). Tim favours the latter. You can watch his entire sermon by clicking on the link below.

In searching through Connect, I also found an article referenced by @SeanO.

which you might find helpful as well.

There is, I think, a distinct tension between grace and truth with regards to the emphasis we place on any of our sins. For us, it seems difficult to wrap our minds around both at the same time. But I know God is able to hold sin in contempt while at the same time lavishing His grace upon us through Christ. The church which is made up of us fallible humans can often focus on some (more obvious) sins to the exclusion of others. We all sin in our choices every day. I believe that Jesus, in telling us not to divorce, has different reasons for this, one of them being that He knows the terrible pain it causes to rip two souls apart which have become one.

To conclude, I think that every situation (and every individual involved) is viewed uniquely in the eyes of our Lord. He knows intimately each of our hearts and He is a just judge. I believe that regardless of whether we are right or wrong in our choices, He loves us the same. If we repent of our wrong choices He is ready to forgive. He has been known to create beauty from the ashes of our lives and never wastes a single tear.

May God bless you, sister, as you wrestle with your occasional doubts. I pray that you will feel His peace that transcends understanding and know with certainty that He loves you more than you can possibly imagine.:heart: