Relationships post divorce

I divorced my husband 6 years ago because of his abandonment and wilful neglect. Since then I have met a man I respect and love. However it had been my choice not to remarry but remain chaste. My ex is still alive. (Re: 1 Cor 7:10 - 11.)

Is it a sin to have affection for another person of the other sex after divorce?

It had been my desire to remain chaste that somehow made this person interested to know more of Jesus and his plan of salvation. It had been Pastor Peter Tan Chi in his very inspiring Biblical teachings and transformative exhortations that touched his heart. .

The Lord is slowly molding the heart of my good fren but it is a slow process. My desire is to remain chaste for the rest of my life for I feel moved to please my Lord this way. This friend is aware of my desire and is contented to follow along and keep on being a kind, good “soulmate” to me. No matter what happens to us in the future, I am committed to pray for him and his salvation.

Do you think our kinda unusual relationship is acceptable to the Lord?

To offer my thoughts on the matter.

I would give a confident no to this question. You are, after all, no married.

I would, however, caution a person from entering into an intimate relationship with a person who is an unbeliever. I do not mean to imply that these types of relationships are doomed to fail. However, in most situations, these types of relationships can do more harm than good. Not to say you shouldn’t continue to minister and witness to this person.

I am also not sure that there is a strict rule against remarrying after divorce in light of the grace of Christ. Not that this is something which should be done flippantly.

I speak of all of this in general terms. I highly recommend you get some spiritual council that you trust around you who are familiar with you and your situation to help guide you through this season in your life. I pray God grant you wisdom and grace.

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Thanks so much Joshua Hansen for the answer. Yes I believe legalism in all matters shouldnt be applied. Grace and being obedient to him are imperative. Yes I do have council. From members of my family who are devoted servants of the LORD. They know me so very well and it makes things less confusing (they understand where my heart is really coming from). It’s jz that they are devout Catholics and hard against divorce no matter what (which sadly reveals much legalism and “puritannicism” if there is such a word for it). I listen to esp my elder sis here as she revealed to me what my personal strengths and shortcomings were which I never had thought much about. “Blessed be the ties that bind”…the hymn goes. Each time I get confused and stumped over the future I know I must trust God and live from day to day, “keeping in step with the Holy Spirit”. I know my role clearly - keeping pure and chaste, do the work I have been called to do (I’m a pet artist) and learn to be as Christlike as His Spirit empowers me to be. So I can be used by Him, to glorify Him and to enjoy Him forever, which is the end of man ( Westminster Creed paraphrased).

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Ms. Priscilla,

I believe you are in good hands as long as you continue to seek the spiritual council from the people in your life and from the Lord like you are already doing.

I can’t imagine the heartache and pain you went through during the neglect and other issues you faced. I hope you the best for the future and continued bountiful healing.

Cody Connally

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Thank you Cody.

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I noticed your post yesterday and said to myself “I’m not going to comment on that one…” As I see it, It’s just too tricky, and too personal of a situation for me to say anything at all about. But there’s something that should probably be considered in any situation like the one you describe that I would offer for you somewhat of an analogy to consider: If I go without eating for a day or two or more during the time I am pressing forward in an earnest prayer I’ve introduced an obstacle for myself with which to contend. The obstacle is this: that as days or weeks go by I will become hungry, and possibly physically weak. And the longer the time span I hold this fast for, the more I have to contend with that obstacle (and a few others). At another time I’d like to explain (from my perspective) what purpose such a self-imposed, unnecessary obstacle like this serves. But for now I’d like to point out that one of its side affects is temptation. It may not necessarily be a lustful temptation or an evil temptation; but a temptation to break the fast due to being hungry after several days or weeks of not eating. Every intentional fast has a purpose. But the reasons and the needs behind that purpose can get overcome or overwhelmed or distracted by the hunger, and what can end up happening is that you quit the fast so you can eat, When this happens before a pre-appointed time or some other predetermined termination point it demonstrates that the purpose behind your fasting wasn’t something you really value as much as you thought you did.
Of course this kind of thinking is liable to lead to several what-if questions especially as medical and other concerns may weigh in… But I wanted to talk a little about the dynamics of fasting in order to show that these dynamics may in some ways, parallel your situation. In my example I hopefully showed that one of the useful functions of fasting is that it can serve to show us that we may not be as earnest or serious (regarding the issue we’re fasting about) as we had esteemed ourselves to be when we initially set out to fast. But one of the other lessons that comes from these observations is that one needs to draw clear lines about what is being fasted about and why or when the fast should be broken, because in the presence of hunger and weakness this is obviously necessary. I should be clear here that I am not advocating fasting, and I’m not suggesting that you or anyone should necessarily fast. I’m just drawing a parallel from my experiences fasting as I see it applicable in ways that match your situation. A few words to summarize what I’m trying to say might be that: Sometimes we deceive ourselves into thinking we’re more dedicated than we really are about something; and it’s good to know our hearts can be deceitful, and to stand guard accordingly. And like a fast, one of the ways of doing this might be, for example to clearly establish your premeditated intentions, Establish these things clearly. Write down where you’re coming from, and be slow to change it. Knowing that we are weak people and prone to self deception.
If you look at your situation and the ways how it parallels this kind of thing It’s possible this may give you somewhat of a framework to work through your situation moving forward.

I realise the command to “Guard our hearts for from it springs forth the issues of life”. One of the reasons I prefer to live a single life is because I do love this man but I have to reveal the fact that he is a muslim convert, unvoluntarily, for the father brought his whole family (he was in his teens then, having no rights to resist) into the Islam faith. Furthermore, this man has a lot of spiritual baggage during his college days, with him still practising TM and was a professing Existentialist ( though not sure now). A lot of dabbling into other Eastern mysticisms. I took to praying for this person for the next 11 years. It was only lately that there was a thin streak of light came forth. He would from his side read as I go through my Quiet Time, and other devotionals and Bible Reading. Recently he gt to follow as I went through Pastor Peter Tan Chi’s sermons and talks all online. He is slowly easing in a bit but still baulks every now and then. I am pragmatic enough to comprehend the tough spiritual struggles he still faces. He still couldnt let go of his past dabblings into the spiritual realm and my heart goes out to him. He is a leader in his field and well known to be an intellectual with a strong philosophical bend, a public leader.
I can only promise I would stay by his side in spirit earnestly exhorting him, helping him draw near to the Lord. I believe in being Spirit-filled and this has strengthened me many times as I talk to my Lord of him and his struggles. As far as I see it, I dont see much of an “obstacle” in the way of my “fast” like you mentioned. God is real and almost palpable if I may say it in humbleness.

I humbly think some folks think “restraint” is such a tough thing to grapple with. I tend to think it is quite a myth. Coming from me, I think we do not need to feel like we are being dragged along by my noses, haplessly. I stay close to my Jesus and I dedicate much of my fruitful time being the Pet-Person Portrait artist that I am. Much as I love this man chastely, I dont feel the tension that comes from the “obstacle” in my “fast”. Nor having a low-grade misery in the least but joyful in my spirit often (despite chaotic times in HK, pray for us).

Praise and thanks to Him, my beloved Jesus, for His awesome grace and mercies!

Appreciate your gracious answer, timotto!

Priscilla Tang