Resources S2 E4 "7 Myths Chapter 3"

Hello Friends!

We’re sorry for the delay in sharing resources from today’s new episode. @Shawn_Hart and I are both in the midst of a university mission week, so it’s been all hands on deck here! But we wanted to make sure and take a few minutes to say thank you to everyone who is reading and discussing along with us, especially those of you who are coming here to Connect to share your thoughts and questions. We are truly grateful for you.

Here are the resources for this week’s chapter

7 Myths About Singleness Chapter 3 “Singleness Means No Intimacy”:

Alexander Hamilton, Ron Chernow

The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis

“22 percent of millennials say they have ‘no friends’”, Brian Resnick

Proverbs 18:24

Amazing Grace: William Wilberfoce and the Heroic Campaign to End Slavery

Proverbs, Raymond C. Ortlund, Jr.


Thank you, Ivy, for adding the resources; I love to add new books to my reading list. Sam and I have very different paths that have led to singleness, yet he speaks so clearly to emotions I had no words for. Chapter 3 has made me keenly aware that intimacy, not the physical kind, has been a gaping hole in my life. More importantly that I have the power to seek change. I love your story about needing and asking for a ride from the airport. I’m flying to CA in the next few weeks and have been obsessing over who am I going to inconvenience with the airport ask. I have a wonderful circle of friends that have proven their love for me, and still, I find it hard to risk needing others and allow myself to be vulnerable. It’s quite scary for me. Your conversaton on this topic bolstered my determination to just do it. I’m now obsessing over what the ‘ask’ will look like, lol. You know, how I can I make it so generic that no one will feel obligated. I’ve also invited a couple of couples to my home for dinner, something I haven’t done in years. I’m asking God to open my mind and my heart to find organic ways to create more intimacy with those in my world. Ecclesiastes 4.9-12 “Two are better than one……” Thank you for the opportunity to share and I would so love to hear others’ take-a-way from chapter 3.


@Ter This episode was rich with challenges! And I agree that it is hard to invite people to participate in our needs. Maybe in our fun outings, but in our needs? It is countercultural. I think Western culture’s emphasis on independence makes it really difficult for us to invite significant participation by others. We seem to fiercely value our freedom from obligations (because we are obsessed with keeping our options open) and end up in self-sufficient isolation. But are we really self-sufficient in the end, when our real need for interpersonal relational intimacy goes unmet?

Grateful for @Ivy_Tyson and @Shawn_Hart drawing out the gems in this chapter—and so grateful to @Sam_Allberry for these insights which give us traction for constructive discussion and some serious rethinking of cultural (including Christian culture) paradigms. Lately I have found myself in conversations that turned to singleness, desire, and intimacy; the important issues in this chapter (like the conflation of sex and intimacy, our inability to grasp friendship as a fulfilling form of intimacy, etc.) are precisely the things I am pressed to articulate. I have just loved discovering Sam’s book as a resource to share with people, with an eye to deepen their engagement and to build out these conversations!