How do we know we have made the right choices for our lives that are congruent to the will of God for us? I have fallen deeply in love with a philosophical non-believer who reciprocates but is concerned for my putting such allegiance to our God Jehovah, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. Jesus did say that love covers a multitude of sins. What did he mean by that?
Priscilla, how my heart feels for you, when I read this question. It reminds me of a time when I was very much in love with a beautiful Muslim lady called Fani, from Indonesia. I went on a pilgrimage, to Knock, a holy site in Ireland. I was a Catholic back then. I asked a priest who provided a counseling service there if it was okay to date a Muslim. He told me something along the lines of, “In this day and age it is.” I knew in my heart he was wrong but I was delighted to hear it. I continued in my disobedience and got badly hurt.
To answer your question we learn from Genesis to Revelation that God’s plan is for us to marry people who share our faith. One place where it is very clear is, "Do not be yoked with an unbeliever. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common or what fellowship can light have with darkness " 2 Cor 6:14. This challenge you are facing is one of the biggest we must face in our walk, I know how tough it is.
There was another time a few years later when I was once again dating a non-believer. This time an old Irish-American Vietnam vet. said to me, “If you claim to be a Christian and she is not, then your Father is God and her father is the devil. How can you be together?” I remember calling my mother that night asking for advice. I was really in love with this girl, Anne-Marie was her name. My mom told me, “Don’t listen to those protestants, they do things differently”. In this case something supernatural happened and I had to break up with Anne-Marie. Once again I was in bits. A while later I was reading my bible and ended up in John 8 and when I read verse 44 I nearly dropped. If Jesus said the Jews were of their father the devil, how much more so Anne-Marie.
The silver lining to my story is I got saved a year later and then a year after that I met Kirsten. A beautiful missionary in Thai Nguyen in north Vietnam. We fell in love and were married 8 months later. I did not kiss her until our wedding day and the Lord blessed me so much for that. Now we live to serve the Lord together. I am so much better off. For instance, as I write this, Kirsten is next door calling me to come and read the bible to the girls before bed. It is worth the pain of all my breakups to have this happening.
The scripture you are referring to in 1 Peter 4 is in the context of the the end times. How we need to be alert and to love each other deeply, to be hospitable. It is definitely not in anyway giving us the room to be with a non-believer. I hope my response is helpful and not hurtful. I am praying for you now.
I feel you know what Jesus meant when he said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me”
Thank you for sharing in such a vulnerable and in-depth way. And thank you for so promptly
praying for me. I thank and praise God for saving you from yourself.
I prayed very hard for the Lord to give me a sign and I prayed too for my friend that he too may receive an irrevocable
sign that hits the mark but I was not to tell him regarding praying that for him. He had to see it and recognize it as from the God I worship. I also did plead with Him not to allow me to twist His arm and insist He bow to my own will.
I believe the sign came swift as an arrow! I am to remove myself from my predicament and embark on something new and good for my life. A new beginning and away from him…
It so happened, a secular blogger whom my friend admired amazingly spoke on a similar theme (paraphrased) that if one was found floundering in a game that one is no longer winning, she ought to choose another one she can win better in. Quite a secular talk but it must have spoken to my friend. This friend is a principled person but does not believe in fidelity because the Bible said so. He is also an Existentialist believing that if I failed in our relationship, it’s because I didn’t try hard enough.
I shall begin a new course of studies: a post-graduate degree with the objective of acquiring new skills to help suffering people. My friend has to accept that this will be a better “winning” game for me and had to finally accept my saying goodbye to him. Nevertheless, I wept.
I am grateful for His intervention. Without Christ helping me guard my heart all this while, I would have succumbed again and again.
Thank you, Brian, for your very pragmatic and sound advice. I am so touched by your love and empathy. May God keep blessing you, your wife and your girls.
You have made a wise decision. God bless your heart, mend your heart, protect your heart and restore your heart The Lord watches over you and placed @brianlalor in your path at just the right time. I have lifted you up in prayer and will continue to do so. Keep us posted on your journey.
We do not know each other but because of our sisterhood in Christ, you are so concerned for me…for that I thank you. Indeed I hope to keep this line open. I feel it in my bones that my friend will begin to indulge in all the worshiping women who cant wait to have their hands on him. He is a still single, a public leader, with charisma. I believe I had played a part to “restrain” him and I had been praying for him for many years. He had broken my heart badly a few times. I am still praying for him. And I think he knows this and will try to further break my heart in defiance.
I ask the Lord to guard my heart and I am quite strong in His grace and mercy.
I can only apply for my studies early next year. Till then, I suspect I will be severely tested.
Whisper a prayer for me when you are prompted to, sig. I am glad you have come across this handmaiden of our Lord.
I am a pet portrait artist and I shall be enrolling in a Master’s Degree programme of studies in Art Therapy. Just so you’d know.
Love in Christ,
Hi Priscilla! @mutts
You’re so strong to reach out for advice, when I know how blind love can be… just wanting it to be “right”.
Along with Brian @brianlalor (such timely advice and help for her, Brian! Just when she needed it
I’ve been through a similar situation. In college- my boyfriend had just proposed, and then let me in on a secret about a month into being engaged- that he was Unitarian…(not believing Jesus is actually God/the Trinity). We both went to a Christian college. He prayed in Jesus’ name, he acknowledged Jesus as our savior…just left out the part about not believing Jesus was also a part of the Godhead.
All that to say, it was painful. I understand your hurt. And, I understand how hard it is to pull away when there’s such strong chemistry between the two of you.
But, in my case, when I considered being married, probably having kids…I just couldn’t see how we could do life together.
How would we teach our kids? Which church would we go to?
The most important thing about me is my faith.
How could we be together in the same house, day in and day out?
All questions I asked myself over and over.
Ultimately, we ended things- and I thank God for opening my eyes, and helping me make the hard, but best, choice.
About a year later, God directed my path to a Godly man, and have been married almost 12 years now. I see what it looks like to to be spiritually on the same page.
Yes, we disagree on things- but never on the core foundations of our faith.
There are way too many other hurdles to face in married life…and faith, core Christian beliefs does not need to be one of them.
I will also add one more thing… Getting married isn’t our main goal in life, right? Following Jesus is. He is all we need. No other person could possibly fill the space and need in our hearts. He will never let us down, and will always love us.
Keep looking to Him as your #1 priority, and you’ll find strength there and direction there.
Come back here for prayer if you sense you’re losing your resolve. Be so careful.
God has other plans for your life, Priscilla … go find 'em!
@mutts. I had read your initial post and begin praying for you immediately. I too can speak of an experience in which the Lord rescued me. It was the only time I boldly told the Lord I did not want to be good, I wanted that man.
Upon reading your post I knew you would have to see that you were unequally yoked. GOD has been as faithful to you as He was for me and I am excited about your new path. So, don’t be fooled by your natural flesh which will present the last stronghold.
GOD has the mate, and the love for you that will make how you feel or have felt in this present hour; pale by comparison. Perhaps it may be the current person, but live for GOD and allow Him to make the object of your affection worthy of a daughter of Zion.