Self Doubt in the face of failures and disappointments- Does God really see what I am going through?

(Rose Amer) #1

Recently, due to the challenges in my ministry, I started doubting myself, my calling and really thinking if there is any worth in whatever I am doing.May be because I am a woman my church is facing such hardships. I cried out to God in pain Sunday night. I couldn’t sleep. I felt like everything is falling apart all around me. The pain was so deep and unexplainable. Whole night I was groaning. I was literally thinking to close the church and was giving up on ministry. The thought of closing the church was so painful I love Jesus so much and I just cant imagine doing anything else. Five years of faithful ministry, so much sacrifice yet their is no growth in the church. Every time the numbers increased there was a fight in the church and split happened. People showed up 40 mins late for Palm Sunday Service. No one comes to study the Bible or payer meetings. I was so heart broken this Sunday. I thought God if it is not from you then let me go. I dont want to continue this ministry like this. People mock me and you are also not listening to me. Please allow me to go. And frankly before God spoke, I told my husband, I am tired and I want to close the church. He patiently listened to me and told me, if this is what I think God really wants then I should do it. I cried out to God Sunday night and told him this is more than I can bear. Please let me know if this is what you want me to do. May be I am not supposed to be a pastor because I am a woman. I never doubted my calling before but I did last Sunday.I was in so much pain. And then God spoke to me. Yesterday I stumbled upon an article on Christianity Today about challenges in ministry and how we should not give up but press on. Then someone from an old ad that I put on a free website contacted me and asked me the direction of the church to attend. Ant today- I completed my first week of RZIM’s Bible Elective- During bonus Q&A session, someone asked Ravi a question “if God prefers a gender?”

Ravi’s answer to that question is the one that I needed to hear. Friends, it is amazing how God assures me every time I am thinking to give up on my calling to be a pastor. I just want to share this with you. Many of you might be facing discouragement and disappointments in ministry and some of you might be thinking to give up. If you are called to lead, He will not let you go. Just hang in there and fix your eyes on Jesus. Cry out to Him for help. He will answer you. I am so thrilled to see how God is speaking to me since Sunday through different resources/people. I almost gave up but He is not finished with me yet. Sisters in ministry, you will face many many challenges but cry out to Him. He listens. I know I might not have a growth explosion numerically in my church right away but I know every time I fall, He lifts me up. I told myself- hang in there Rose. God is not passing you by.

(SeanO) #2

@roze4jesus Glad to hear that you found encouragement and praying for the Lord Jesus to both guide you and give you and your husband peace as you move forward :slight_smile:

(Rose Amer) #3

Thank you for your prayers.

(Kathleen) #4

Love this, @roze4jesus! Thanks for the encouragement. :slight_smile: