Singleness


(Priscilla) #1

Are there helpful ways that can make singleness an easier pill to swallow?


(Carson Weitnauer) #2

Hi @mutts,

I think Sam Allberry’s new book is the single best resource available on singleness today:
https://www.amazon.com/Myths-about-Singleness-Sam-Allberry/dp/1433561522/

Can you share more about your question? When I was single, the two habits that strengthened me was to spend time with my friends and church family and to serve others.


(Nancy Gifford) #3

Hello Priscilla:
Here is a sneak peak at Sam Allberry’s new book on our global blog:
https://www.rzim.org/read/rzim-global/singleness-is-too-hard.


(Jo D) #4

Hey @mutts,
I feel for you, and pray the struggle gets less.
As @CarsonWeitnauer asked, is there more to the question?
For me, doing things I love with friends and family is great too. Using this time to grow, learn more about God, myself and the world around us helps. I’m only 17 and not particularly intentional about relationships yet, so I guess it may be quite different, but I’ll share some thoughts anyway and hope they help :slight_smile:
There are quite a lot of non-Christians going in and out of relationships constantly in school and uni and seeing the unhappiness that comes from all that makes me realise that’s not what I want or need. I realise that not everyone is doing this though and that many people want a healthy long term relationship which makes total sense. Some of my girlfriends are often saying things like; “oh I wish I could be with someone” when we have meetups. I don’t mind too much, but surrounding yourself with people who are generally happy being single is helpful.
From what older married people have said to me, they point out that one should be content as a single person before they try and make someone else happy/ get into a relationship as you need to get fulfilment from God, friends and other things too. Not that one can’t want a relationship, but I heard someone use hyperbole to say that if two lonely miserable people get married it won’t really make them happy, they’ll still be lonely miserable souls. I think they probably have a point. For me for the future that’s useful advice hopefully, its a useful thought for you too :blush:
Sam Allberry’s book as @CarsonWeitnauer said is meant to be really good, I’ve yet to read it but have listened to some of his talks on youtube and he is a good speaker.
God Bless you sister x


(Stephen Wuest) #5

In the gospel, Jesus’ disciples said “If it’s the case that there is no such thing as divorce, then why would anyone want to get married?” The Bible presents marriage as a permanent lifelong bond. With really serious commitments. And it involves a lot of work. Christians need to get away from the world’s definition of “marriage,” and see the seriousness of the commitment.

But human marriage is an analogy for something much deeper. It is an analogy for the union of the believer’s spirit, with the spirit of Christ (Paul in Corinthians). Historically, many Christians who have dedicated their lives to God, have decided (like Paul) that they would remain single, in order to be more fully available to serve God. The single life is not easy, and needs to be within a Christian community, with meaningful work to do. But Jesus and Paul both clearly state that the single person has more opportunity to serve God. (This is not popular with some religious groups, who are continually trying to explain away these biblical statements.)

The situation is even more serious than many Christians realize. Paul in 2 Corinthians says that it is heterosexual sex that forms the lifelong bond, that he connects with marriage. And this happens, regardless of the context of the sex. Many Christians, and groups, do not carefully follow Paul’s argument, connecting his quoting of the Genesis passage on “marriage,” with heterosexual sex.

I think that if Christians understood the permanent bond that heterosexual sex forms, then you would reformulate your question into “Does anyone know how to make abstaining from heterosexual sex, any more attractive?”

I think that there was the beginning of monasticism (male, and female) in the early centuries of Christianity, because Christians understood the seriousness of marriage and sex, and they thought more about the shortness of this life, compared to the unending eternal life after the resurrection.


(Steven Morse) #6

Good morning Priscilla, My suggestion is a starting point which I hope doesn’t sound trite. Please consider prayer. God wants the best for you and that means leaving our lives to God’s will; “thy will be done”. You may be searching for something in areas you think are best, but let God lead you to his place. When we pray, so often we ask for specific fixes. Tell God how you ache and how you need his direction. Give it time. Know that He hears your prayer and then trust in the Holy Spirit to lead you. Faith, Hope and Love, Steve