Struggling with Questions

I am really strugglinv right now with anixety. I have always, that I can remember, believed in God and the resurrection of Jesus, but lately I’m so unsure what I believe. I know I still do, but I have question after question, and every question brings up a new question. Its 1 step forward at least 2 steps back. I need to be able to defend my faith…against myself. The pastor of my church said that its the enemy attacking me full force, but no matter how much or hard I pray for answers I’m only left with more and more questions.

I’m currently reading a book that is explaining how the Bible is God breathed but that the authors were free to chose how to write and and thats evident in how we can see they each has their own writing style. They were allowed to write how they wanted as long as it was in the bounds of the truth. That conversations were sumed up rather then verbatim because they were written years later.
I have so many questions. First if the words are not given by God to the authors, authors how is it The Word of God? It’s the word of the authors on historical events. Also if the conversations that people had and the things Jesus said are not really what they said exactly how do we know its even close? I know about Oral traditions, but this seems like a lot of room for error.
I’m sorry I’m really struggling right now to learn and grow and battle whatever is happening with me, but no matter how much I pray for him to show me something so I can know or how much I ask him to help me know with certainty I’m more uncertain then ever.
Thank you

6 Likes

@SandiDuffy. Hi Cassandra. I was wondering how the questions or your questioning became so significant to your peace of mind? There seems to be an understated story behind your plea. Is it possible to unpack how you arrived where you are?

4 Likes

I’m not sure I understand what your asking?
I struggle with OCD and anxiety. I live in a constant fear of dying. I really am trying to supress these thoughts, but it’s not seeming to work. I’m very aware that anything at any minute could happen and I could be dead. My daughter passed away 7 years ago, and ever since then I realize how insanely fragile life is. I know it can happen to me, and think it probably will…that is something bad. Losing her popped my it “wont ever happen to me” bubble.

3 Likes

My heart goes out to you for your peace and the loss of your daughter. I am praying right now that the Lord lift the plight of chaos in your mind. Your pastor is right. Your are being challenged, but greater is he that is in me than he who is in the world. You stay on the path, ponder 1 Peter 5:7 and Philippians 4:6-7. Those verses were God breathed from the perspective of inspiration for you today. That is why it is called the living word. Please dwell on those words of God today. Then while we need not fear and we can cast our cares on him the “how” is sometimes hard. Seek the “how” in Philippians 4:8 beautifully sung in the attached YouTube clip by April Lolomanaia with God given talent. . . Think of such things. God be with you and may he make known his presence and his peace to you today. https://youtu.be/ZXOrFgsgiWQ

2 Likes

@SandiDuffy, bless your heart. Thank you for your honesty and your vulnerability. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Did you have this struggle with anxiety prior to her death? I ask because I have a love one who lost her daughter and this caused her extreme anxiety.
Doubt is not always unbelief. Even John the Baptist struggled with doubt — Luke chapter 7: 18-23—and he baptized Christ. He also witnessed the Holy Spirit descending upon Jesus like a dove and resting on Him —Matthew 3: 13-17
Thomas doubted, Peter doubted and Jesus’s own brother James doubted. Your pastor is right. You ,like many of us are struggling with doubt in the same way that Eve struggled in the garden. Did God really say? Surely she believed in God. God was with Eve in the
garden. So if we believe in God and we believe he sent his son to die on the cross for our sins, then we also believe there is an entity that would love to shred our faith to pieces and cause us anxiety. —1 Peter:6-11
Because you have stepped forward you will now have many people praying for you. You are not alone. Try not to put too much emphasis on your doubt because that is only causing you more anxiety. Rebuke the adversary by quoting God’s word and his Promises.
If you do this even though you doubt and even though you may not feel it, do it anyway and you will find just how true the word of God is.
I have been where you are in the way of anxiety. Sometimes I feed into the anxiety and I don’t do what I am asked to do by God. That is,
— Submit yourselves then to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you, James 4:7
Jesus had to do the same thing. I am lifting you up in prayer. Please keep us posted and stay connected :heart:

5 Likes

@SandiDuffy. Your explanation was just what I was hoping for. It seemed clear that your questions were connected to a powerful event in your life.

Although I have no expertise in treating OCD or anxiety for that matter; it seems wise to conclude that your daughter’s death was the catalyst for your anxiety and many questions.

I can join you in prayer speaking to the Lord concerning what troubles you. And what feels unanswerable even via questions. I think therapy and answered questions will help manage the effects of such a tragic event. But prayer will help us return to the point of the catalyst. Sometimes the sharpness of grief takes away our breath and locks us helplessly in its grasp. But GOD is faithful. Don’t be impatient for the arrival of resolution. However long you may need, the healing is there for you.

6 Likes

My heart aches with yours. Losing a child I think is every parent’s worst nightmare, God is sovereign of us in every circumstance, even in this.

You reminded me my first ever flight I had to take after my second-born died. I was weeping in the shuttle but kept repeating to myself (I know sounds funny but this was what kept my sanity, bought me a bit of peace and courage to board the flight): whatever way the plane lands I will be with one of my children.
What you have been through cannot be described, even those who have been through the same have a different understanding and experience. I have found a few common things though with those I know.
No matter how long ago it happened it anytime can bring us to tears, even out of blue. And it is fine.
It is OK to cry - I found the hardest part as finding the balance between oppressing my emotions (feelings) and submitting to them. I needed to figure out how to let them just flow through me - not denying them, letting them to “work out in me” but them letting them to go away. Shouting when angry, crying when I am sad - admitting what I feel, but not clinging to them. Still learning :slight_smile: Does it make sense?
God brings peace, can take a long time, and can happen in waves - peace for a while then something hits. It’s like a roller-coaster ride, and we can be sure at one point it will turn upwards. For me what helped on this ride was to keep my eye on the pattern of the bottoms: they kept getting higher.
I had a shocking experience not long ago: even though I’m feeling settled, my emotions have calmed down my body remembers: my closest friend’s child died and my body literally re-lived like a fast-forward movie what had happened to me. All the ups and downs emotionally, but also physical symptoms, my mind got out of focus (in a middle of a word I suddenly did not know how to write an s) - all symptoms condensed into a tiny tin - 10 years of grief in a week. The clue was that I did not fight my body, just acknowledged it’s happening, and I knew it would be over.
What is also important sometimes the thoughts we have are not always ours - " The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." (John 10:10) - and we need to swipe those crazy thoughts away, not starting thinking on them. What I have found really helpful is to use Ephesians 6:10-18 as a proclamation, morning and evening, adjusting in grammar it to myself such “be strong in the Lord” -> “I am strong in the Lord”.
I hope no one takes offence if I say that I felt my fight out of my desperation about the loss of my child excruciating. I knew it would be painful, I just couldn’t have imagined how much. I knew I had to and all I could do is to trust that God is faithful and somehow He will turn it for good. Still, I started off with being angry with God for more than a year :slight_smile: and He just kept waiting until I was ready for the next move. There is worship song which says: “through the crushing, through the pressing, you are making new wine” New wine - and no question, being crushed, pressed, pruned is painful but God makes these to bring the most beautiful fruit out of it: you. “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee” (Jer 1:5)
Let the Holy Spirit guide and Jesus strengthen you on your journey!

5 Likes

Hi… which year did you discover you’re struggling with OCD? What is your obsessions?

I struggling with rumination and obtrusive thoughts. I have no idea when I was diagnosed. Why are you asking?

Why I ask? Because you need to identify the root cause of it. Pray alone or with pastor/spiritual leader to God and the Holy Spirit will review the root cause/s and first incidence to you. Have you seen the Christian psychiatrist or counsellor?

SandiDuffy, the raw honesty of your emotions is a wonderful sign. It means you are teachable, which in turn implies humble enough to admit you don’t have all the answers.
As to what parts of the bible are God’s word and what is man’s addition, it is all inspired by God. God gave the words, each man put them down according to his own style. If a Jewish scribe made a single error copying a page of scripture, the entire page had to be burned. This is a huge topic on which many have taught. Remember what Jesus said about the importance of every bit of Scripture - Matt. 5.18 If Jesus believed Scripture, it’s good enough for me.

Anxiety attacks - I spent the better part of two decades on anti-depressants … time which first was diagnosed half a year after I started walking with Jesus. In those days I was advised to say “Satan! Get away from me – I belong to Jesus!” Just saying, whether in a whisper, a shout or a silent prayer “Jesus, help me!” was often enough.

I first became an RZIM follower when I heard Ravi had a radio program called Let My People Think. Great name for a program. It gave me courage to doubt and explore apologetics. That was almost 3.5 decades ago. But don’t believe all the spirits, all the leaders … check their position on key issues … okay, right now you may be too spiritually frail to do that. Later, when you are stronger … Meantime, listen to your pastor. While he speaks keep asking Holy Spirit to open your brain, to remove blockages, to help you understand what he is saying.

We will all die. My husband watched me collapse a little over 5 years ago and didn’t know if I would live or die for many days, which means thousands of seconds, each ticking by slowly. From personal experience I know that this afternoon is not promised to me or anyone I know or love or anyone on earth. We all leave here. Stay close to Jesus.

I notice no one has asked if your daughter was saved (at least I didn’t catch it). If not, talk to your pastor about this. If she was, also talk to your pastor about this. Trust God.

Praying for you, dear sister.

2 Likes

I currently see a Christian Therapist.

2 Likes

Thank you for the kind words. They do mean a lot. I do realize I’m not alone in this struggle but it is very hard. My daughter was a newborn when she passed away. I believe she is under His grace amd in Heaven with Him.

3 Likes

@SandiDuffy
Although I don’t share a similar experience, I would like to share what helped me when I struggled with depression and anxiety. It is the word of God and worship. I directed all my pain and anxiety towards God in prayer and gave myself to the ministry of the word fo God. I used to listen to the sermons all day. That instilled hope and peace.
6 Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. 7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4: 6-7)

I tried to thank God despite my difficulty to do it. I encourage you not to look at yourself and the struggles within you. Concentrate on the person of Jesus, His tender love, His grace that upheld you all these years. Soon the anxiety will fade away, you will be refreshed with His love.

15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. (Colossions 3: 15-16)

Praying for you.

2 Likes

God bless your heart, you are describing what I have observed in my sister for several years now. Oh man, my heart goes out to anyone who has had to endure the loss of a child. So very sorry :cry: :broken_heart:

2 Likes

Sandi,

I read your post a few days ago and have continued to think about it since. While I cannot speak to the excruciating pain you have gone through in losing a child, I would like to speak to the fear.

I have lived in debilitating fear and fear of dying for the last 3 years due to health issues. The rapid firing of questions and doubts that can assault and overwhelm without repose. So as a fellow struggler on some parts of the same journey with you I am also talking to myself and praying that the following words speak directly to where you are.

Therefore Jesus is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them. You can rest knowing that Jesus is praying for you and He is in the midst of your darkness. Hebrews 7.25.

God is love. The very essence. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. 1 John 4.18. And God loves you. You.
You.

Someone recently asked me if I was listening to myself or talking to myself. I was listening -and sinking. Psalm 42.11 says, I will say to my soul… I will tell my soul what to think based on the words of God. Sometimes I have had to repeat a verse or a phrase over and over until my thinking and feeling line up with the living Word. Sometimes I’m successful and sometimes not, but we keep on keeping on.

Have you ever seen a picture of the desert when it blooms? Unbelievable. Stunningly beautiful. The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Isaiah 35.1. Your God is with you in this desert and wilderness and He will cause this to result in your good. He will bring joy and rejoicing through the tears, fears, and heartbreak.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the Word of their testimony. Revelation 12.11. As a child of God you are covered in the precious and priceless blood of Jesus. What is your testimony? Jesus is my Rock, my Fortress, my Deliverer, my God is my Rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18.2 How many times do you read ‘my’ in that verse? It’s the rightful boast of God to His daughter. I am hers and she is Mine!

Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. Hosea 2.14

I am cheering you on in the fight!

Mary Beth

2 Likes