The Lord's silence is deafening!

I seem to never know where to post my topic. Hope this one is correct.
I was invited to join a bible study in the YouVersion Bible app.
The study is “How to hear the voice of God”.
It is a topic I have been struggling with for a long time now.
A month or so ago I sensed the Lord wanted me to kneel and pray. I did not, my knee was sore and so I didn’t.
I some times wonder if it is a test to see if I will obey or will I once again tell the Lord no.
In the beginning of my Christian journey. I could sense the Lord and sense what he wanted from me. Then over time it has stopped. Then when I had an affair it died.
The affair ended years ago. Over the last couple of years I have been spending time everyday in a doing a daily bible plan and seeking to hear the Lord once again in my life.
Every once in awhile I get a sense of the Lord then quite.
The last time was to kneel and pray, because I did not.
The silence has been deafening.
I have been praying this year.
To touch my eyes that I seen through Jesus eyes.
To touch my ears that I hear the Lord.
To touch my mind that I walk daily with his knowledge and wisdom of the Lord. That he cleanses my mind and my thoughts be acceptable to the Lord.
To touch my mouth that the words that I speak to others speaks into their spirit is from the Lord to be able to speak into their life.
To show me what the Lord sees in me.
Mainly because I am unable to see myself. I see myself as lazy, failure… all the negative adjectives one can put on themselves.
I struggle to see myself with positive adjectives.
How does one change this?
I daily lay my life at the Lord’s feet and surrender to the Lord that his will and not.mine be present.
The Lord’s silence is deafening!

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Hi Charles
Thank-you for your honesty. May I try to shed some light on your concern?
The Lord speaks to us mainly through His word. If you are reading that, then you are hearing Him. I think you may need to focus on the Word and see how He speaks to you there.
I have also found that the Lord may “pull” Himself away from us for a time so as to develop a hunger in us that may not be there and it always works. The desert makes us thirsty and we yearn for more of Him.
May I also say that I think you might be a bit hard on yourself which is typical of all of us, I think esp men as we tend to carry shame and not open up about it. We are kind of slow at that sort of thing. You had mentioned being acceptable to Him. My brother, you are clothed with righteousness from on high!! You may have strayed (who hasn’t ?) and you wrestle with that. But what did the Lord do to the prodigal? He clothed him, put a ring on his finger, and had a party! Charles, His grace is so so so sufficient. I know you know this but dwell on that. Continue to cast yourself upon the throne of grace in your time of need. Never let the past define you. Let the past be a reminder only and let the rest that He offers pour into our weary hearts.
He hears you and He is not as silent as you may think. But if it is an unusual silence, then keep pressing and pressing and pressing in until you are so fed up He has no choice but to bless His son as He sees your determination and stubbornness to have a fresh word from Him. He is crafting you day by day, brother. Keep going. Peace be upon you. In Jesus Name, Lord touch your son Charles.

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@CharlesDavid, I really appreciate your honesty. I appreciate the “wrestling out loud” because it speaks to many of us. I have been lifting you up in prayer this morning, asking God to give me wisdom. I want to help. Not only because I am burdened for you, but for myself and anyone else who struggles with the “silence.” As I was praying in intrivals and searching for answers I came across a great article. This quote really stood out to me:

—“If you are experiencing the silence of God, do not believe the lie that you are a second-tier, second-rate Christian. In reality, it is possible, even probable, that it means quite the opposite. God has entrusted you with His apparent silence for a greater reason. Trust is the central issue that needs your focus. Will you trust God to straighten out this mess in your life? Will you trust God to see you through the desert? Will you trust God, even when He says no or wait or not now?—“
I hope you have the time to read the full article and that you will find it helpful. One of the most profound parts of the article touched on Gods silence after promising Abraham that He would bless him with a child.

In my own experience with sin. Silence taught me a profound lesson. I came to a place where I understood the magnitude of my sinfulness. I abused Gods grace over and over. I hurt myself and others. I did all I could do to repent and make things right. Then, I had to move on. I’ve had to learn not to dwell on my past sins. It undermines the profound sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the Cross. I thought I was being humble, but in essence, I was being ungrateful. Now, there are times when I fall to my knees and offer up thankfulness. This sprouts gratefulness which leads to a more positive mindset, which leads me to love others. And the gift goes on…

And finally. I came across this beautiful song and I pray it will minister to you.

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevin-deyoung/the-silence-of-god-7/

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@CharlesDavid. In my walk, I have come to discover that what seems like silence from GOD is often about not deciding how, when, or through what the Lord may speak to me. When my assumptions of what I am looking for or listening for are set aside then the clarity of the Lord’s voice is overwhelming.

Once when working with two preschoolers where one had bullied the other. I was satisfied to see the bully hurt herself with the stolen toy. In my indignation I responded to the misdeed lecturing about reaping from bad behavior. When she could find no comfort from me she turned to the second child she had bullied. Laid her head upon his little chest and cried. He wrapped those small three-year-old arms around her and rocked her back and forth. The Lord spoke like He was standing before me. “Do you see my face?”

It taught me to not look for certain types of communication from the heart of GOD, but remain open to however He does communicate. Even in the silence, GOD is speaking.

You are already praying to know. Be assured whether it comes quickly, predictably, or with familiarity; GOD is always speaking. And silence is not always about a negative. Often it is only the need to trust without placing an estimate on the time for the answer. GOD knows you better then you know yourself. Trust His heart for you.

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@CharlesDavid. You have received thoughtful answers already from @jrarourke and @sig. What you are experiencing comes to all of us, which means the things we have in common can help to comfort us during shadowy seasons like this.

As I read your post and the responses, I thought of the woman who came to Jesus “begging” that Jesus would cast the demon from her daughter (Matthew 15:21-28; Mark 7:24-30). What Jesus did next speaks directly to your post. He “answered her not a word.” Talk about deafening silence! On top of that, the disciples then tried to drive her away. How she handled this can teach and encourage us.

The silence of Jesus and the disdain of the disciples did not deter her. The Greek language has the idea that when she first approached, she kept on asking. She persisted. And then, seeming to get nowhere, she pushed on and “came and worshiped Him” (15:25).

When Jesus did break the silence, his answer would sting anyone. He likened her request to a dog begging at the table. She didn’t sulk or slink away, but she answered and Jesus returns an amazing response. “O woman, great is your faith!”

Remember that faith comes by hearing. We don’t know what this woman knew about Jesus, but she had heard something that made her believe he could help her daughter. Acting on what she heard, she came, and that faith gave her strength to endure even when she met silence and resistance.

Does God seem silent to you now? What have you heard when he did speak? Act on it, as she did. Is God silent? Move into his presence and worship, as she did. Has God rebuked? Accept it as she did, and remember the desire for mercy that drew you to him to begin with.

Jesus’ account of another woman may be of further comfort. It is the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18:1-8. May this help you to be of good cheer.

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@sig, interesting article. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.
I did read the whole article.

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D ear Father God, how I long, how I desire, to love You more and more. To obey You completely. To obey You quickly. Please deliver me, if these thoughts are not from You. I find it hard to imagine they could come from anyone or anywhere, but from You. Grow me more, loving Father, hastening Your changing me from glory to glory, by Your Spirit as You enable me to behold Your Son’s Glory.

I pray O God, that You would work with me, in me, to write another post to Charles David. I don’t think I know why I’m looking at his posts. As I read this last one, AB Simpson came to mind and what he wrote, which I read a long time ago, ‘Himself.’

O thank You, O God, that I have this to share. I pray that David would receive from You.

Hello again David,

I pray you will not think me too weird, just different. I’m not good at talking much. I like to write but I don’t feel real good at that either. I haven’t been in this forum very long and I’m still trying to encourage myself, here, in the LORD as did David, 1Sam 30:6. Not that I can tell how David did that.

I ramble on a bit, some may think, far too much. If you find the writing, ’ Himself’, helpful, I will be blessed. I was blessed when I read it late one night in 2012 and have re-read it numerous times. I have, on more than one occasion, written here where I am just now, in a diary of sorts, where I like to try to talk to our Heavenly Father, in writing. I pray I am not being pretentious, I like Godly reading and many biographies have blessed me abundantly. It is a precious privilege to hear a persons soul, as she cries out to her lover, Canticles 1:7, 3:4 KJV

http://www.biblebelievers.com/simpson-ab_himself.html

These are a few quotes from the link. Lest you be troubled as was I, the title refers to Jesus, not Simspon.

I am the preparation for the blessing, and then I am the Blessing, too …

There came a time when even faith seemed to come between me and Jesus. …

And now, thank God, I have Him, not only what I have room for, but that which I have not room for, but for which I shall have room, moment by moment, …

He said: “My child, you must come to Me for the next breath because I love you so dearly I want you to come all the time. If I gave you a great supply, you would do without Me and would not come to Me so often; now you have to come to Me every second, and lie on My breast every moment.”

Read it slowly. Spurgeon said we read our bibles too quickly. I think this may also apply to all things that endeavour to speak of God.

Bless you,

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Thank you @philm,
I will check out the link.
I too feel at times I ramble but then realize I am just putting down my thoughts as they come to me.
Sometimes they come quicker than I can get them down.
I do not think you weird. Different yes as as are all different.
If we were all the same this planet would be a dreary place indeed.