@jspare. At first, this question felt difficult. But honestly, the greatness of my walk with the Lord has been realized doing these times. Times when I felt keenly the limitations of my humanity. And times I felt bereft of the sufficient amount of righteousness; to persuade Heaven to answer as I desired.
One such time was at the death of my 10-year-old nephew. My prayer had been steadfast, my attention had been slavish and dependable. After being diagnosed with rare cancer; the cure begin to take my nephew’s life.
Time will not permit me to retell all that took place, but I had seen GOD work wonders in his situation. It never occurred to me that he would die from the cure. On that final night, I had ran from the hospital feeling very much like the old hymn. “I was way down yonder by myself and I couldn’t hear nobody pray.” I was angry with his Mom and my family. I felt their lives made them unreliable prayer partners, and I needed help. I needed someone to join with me in prayer to stay his death.
Even after returning to the hospital, I could not enter at first. I can’t say specifically what the Lord gave to me in that moment of extreme grief. But it gave me the courage and fortitude to return to his room. Which was filled to capacity with lights lowered. People were sitting shiva I guess.
While standing at the foot of his bed. My hand embracing his little leg in my heart I begin to hear my nephew singing one of his favorite songs. “Our GOD is an awesome GOD, He reigns from Heaven above. With wisdom, power, and love; our GOD is an awesome GOD.”
I begin to sing along. Through voices cracking with grief, one by one every person in the room joined in. When the song ended my nephew had left.
I can’t say that in the days to come my heart did not break with tears. Because it did. And even at this retelling, my throat swells with the memory of that night. But experiences like this one are the ones that have taught me most about the faithful companionship of the Lord.
I continue to learn not to fear the unpleasantness of this life. I find with each situation where the answer has been no, there is a gift of unmeasurable proportion for me. These times are the times that have taught me most about resting in the back of the boat, on the pillow of GOD’s grace; even as the storm rages and the billows roll. I know I can trust Him. Regardless of how it feels. Despite the despair that seeks to overwhelm me. I won’t forget that I am so journeying in this life. I am on my way home.