What would you say to someone who is thinking about choosing singleness as a way of life?

Dear Sir Sam Allberry, would you like to please talk a little about your book ,7 myths of singleness?
After reading a book on singless i am pretty much convinced that on the beam balance of God, singleness and married life weigh the same.Please correct me if I am wrong sir. What would you say to those who would want to live single in their life? I am 21 and have been wondering about singless being an option but sometimes i am scared about things.


Hi Chandra,

Thanks so much for joining us at RZIM Connect! It is great to have you participate.

Thank you for your question about singleness. I’m so glad the Lord is leading you to think about this topic. The Bible has so much rich material for us to think through. I’m glad you are thinking about serving the Lord as a single person.

There is much to affirm the desire to be single in life. Jesus commends those who are “eunuchs [ie. celibate] for the sake of the Kingdom” (Matt. 19:12). It is an appropriate and honorable vocation. Paul, speaking of his own singleness, says, “I will all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another” (1 Cor. 7:7). Paul is saying there is something about singleness that makes him sometimes wish all were single, but recognises that God means for some to be married and some to be single. The reason for Paul being so pro-singleness (in marked contrast to much of our own Christian culture, which tends to see singleness as second best to marriage) is found a few verses later, “The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord… I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:32, 35). Singleness increases our capacity to serve the Lord – singles are (generally) being pulled in fewer directions than those who are married. Paul is not saying marriage makes someone spiritually compromised, just that it brings obligations with it which can and should affect our capacity for Christian service outside the home.

So the Bible is positive about the idea of being single in life. But it is also good to make sure we’re doing this for the right reasons. The fact that singles have greater flexibility can, if we are not careful, make us very selfish. We get to do what we want to do, when we want to do it. It is very easy to wrap life around our own priorities and wants.

The fact is both marriage and singleness are good gifts from God. Both should be honoured and esteemed. Both are glorious vocations, and both can be sought for good reasons and for selfish ones.

If you’d to look a little more at this, I spoke on it last Sunday! You can see it here.

Hope that helps, and that you have a great day!